Truth and Reconciliation
by twenty3
Summary: Greg's keeping something from Nick. Has it gone too far, or can Nick save Greg from saving him? Slash.
1. Liar Liar

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Warning: NickGreg slash...not your thing, that's okay. There's plenty of other stories on this site. Language and violence later on.**

**This story is based on something that happened to a very good friend of mine, who happens to be a huge CSI fan. He asked me to write this for him and post it. You'll see.**

* * *

Nick sank into the uncomfortable couch in the break room, not caring that springs were digging into his back and legs. It had been a rough double shift, and he was completely exhausted.

Warrick came in shortly after, sitting next to his best friend. "Rough would be an understatement."

Nick nodded in agreement. "Ohhhh yeah." He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes, but didn't succeed to any length.

Greg came bounding in, banging his head to some song playing on the iPod inside his head. He didn't even see the two older CSIs sitting on the couch. He walked straight to the coffeepot, putting in some of his Blue Hawaiian mix and turning it on. He smiled and seemed to have paused the song in his head.

"Hey guys." He said a little too cheerfully. He took the chair that was closest to the couch and stared at Nick and Warrick. "Tired?"

"Mhhm." Nick said simply, not in the mood to form words.

"Awww, cheer up guys." He jumped up when the coffee was done, pouring three cups and bringing two over to the men on the couch. "Here, this works wonders.

Nick and Warrick openly accepted the coffee, each taking a long sip regardless of the fact it was very hot.

Greg returned to his seat with his own cup of coffee and smiled slightly. "You guys look exhausted."

Nick and Warrick glared at Greg for a second, but then their glares turned to small smiles. "Not everyone has the stamina of the Energizer Bunny, Greg." Warrick said before drinking more of his coffee.

"Thank God for that." Nick said. He sighed heavily and downed the rest of his coffee, not caring that his throat was burning from the heat of the liquid. He put his cup into the sink and turned to face his best friend and boyfriend.

"Well, I'm going home and sleeping for at least a day."

"Good plan bro." Warrick said, standing slowly and stretching.

"I'll see you at home Nick, I'm meeting my old friend from college for breakfast." Greg said softly as he stared down into his coffee.

Nick frowned slightly, but shrugged at Greg's odd change in behavior. "Okay, see you later."

He left the break room with Warrick, waiting until he was out of earshot of Greg before he spoke. "Has Greg seemed weird to you?"

Warrick chuckled. "I thought that kid was weird since the day I met him man."

Nick smiled, but shook his head. "I mean other than that. He's been acting a little off lately."

"How do you mean?" Warrick asked as they walked into the locker room.

Nick sat down on the bench and ran his hand through his short black hair. "I don't know…he's fine one minute then gets…"

"Like just now?"

"Yeah. He was all hyper then seemed like…like he was lying or something, ya know?"

Warrick thought about it for a second. "Yeah that was kinda weird. He probably tires himself out."

Nick laughed. "Wouldn't surprise me."

"Don't worry about it too much man, if it seems like it's getting worse, just ask him what's wrong."

"Yeah..." He changed quickly before heading out to his car. He said bye to Warrick and got into his Denali. Loud rock music flooded through the speakers, and Nick couldn't help but smile.

* * *

The loud crash of the door slamming against the wall behind it jolted Nick from his sleep. He sat up quickly, taking a few seconds to let the sleepiness drain a little. He threw the covers off and stumbled out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes to clear the image in front of him. 

He almost instantly wished he hadn't. Greg was slumped against the door. There were a few scratches on his neck and arms, and a cut above his eyebrow. He was very pale and Nick could smell the alcohol from across the room.

He quickly walked over to his boyfriend, catching his just in time as he started to fall to the floor. He carefully brought him over to the couch and sat him down before kneeling in front of him and firmly putting his hands on Greg's knees.

"Greggo…are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

Greg nodded immediately. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He was clearly drunk out of his mind. His slurred words were almost incoherent.

"Because you're all cut up and wasted." Nick stated simply.

Greg looked down at his arms and smiled slightly. "Oh…I uh, fell down some stairs." He leaned towards Nick and whispered, "I had a couple drinks."

The strong scent of Jack Daniel's poured out of Greg's mouth and filled Nick's nostrils. "A couple?" He said sarcastically. "Why were you drinking so much at 9 in the morning?"

"Lighten up Nicky. Me and Jay went out for a few drinks and I had a few too many. I'm fine, really." He stood up too quickly, consequently falling forwards against Nick.

"Yeah, you're fine." Nick said, rolling his eyes.

Greg slumped against Nick, clearly tired from his busy morning. "I wanna go to sleep." He said sleepily.

"That's where you're going." Nick slowly led Greg into the bedroom, carefully lowering him down onto the bed and throwing the blankets over him. He smiled slightly when he saw that Greg was already asleep. He gently ran his thumb over the cut on his forehead, thankful it wasn't deep and bleeding. He doubted the scratches on his arms and neck were from 'falling down some stairs', but he would get the real story when Greg woke up. If he remembered.

* * *

Nick turned his attention away from the uninteresting football game he was sort of watching when he heard Greg slowly coming out of the bedroom. He had both of his hands pressed against his head, trying to make the pounding stop. 

"You alright?" Nick asked softly as to not make Greg's headache any worse.

Greg's face suddenly turned bright green and he turned quickly, running into the bathroom. Nick hung his head and got up, following Greg.

He sighed when he saw Greg wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and flush the toilet before sinking back against the cold wall behind him. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths.

Nick walked over and kneeled between Greg and the toilet. He brushed the soft hair from Greg's forehead, causing him to open his eyes and look up at him.

"Just a few too many?"

Greg smiled. "Yeah…I'll be more careful next time."

Nick nodded, but was still doubtful. "You didn't fall down, did you?" He asked.

Greg frowned. "Yeah, I tripped. I'm fine though."

Nick stared at him for a second before nodding again. "Okay, I believe you. I just wanna make sure you're okay." He helped Greg to his feet and led him into the kitchen for some coffee and Advil.

"I'm fine." Greg said, glad Nick was concentrating on making the coffee and couldn't see the fake smile on his face. He hated lying, especially to Nick.


	2. Building Atrophy

Nick sat on the couch, staring at the black TV screen in front of him. He hadn't slept more than a few hours in the past month, but that's not what he was worried about. Greg's little drunken tirade hadn't gotten any better. It wasn't everyday, but it wasn't as seldom as Nick wanted it to be. Sometimes he'd just be a little drunk and go right to bed, but others he'd be completely gone and always had a few scrapes and bruises. Nick knew for a fact that Greg wasn't the most graceful person in the world, but he highly doubted even he could manage to fall down stairs that many times.

The worst part was not knowing what was happening to the person he loved more than anything. He knew Greg was lying, but couldn't do anything about it. Every time he asked, Greg got mad and defensive and Nick would end up letting it go because he didn't want to get into a fight. All he could do was sit next to Greg while he threw up and try and make him feel better. He was getting pretty good at it, too.

Nick heard a thud on the other side of the door, followed by the sound of someone slipping down the wood. By the time he was halfway to the door, Nick could hear quiet crying on the other side.

He opened the door to reveal Greg crumbled on the ground, the porch light illuminating his pale skin. His right arm and right side of his face was badly cut up, and Nick could see little pieces of glass protruding from the cuts. Greg looked up and smiled weakly, desperately wiping his tears away.

"Sorry…" He mumbled. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Nick shook his head as he carefully picked Greg up and brought him into the house. "I don't sleep anymore."

He once again led Greg to the couch, making sure he wasn't going to pass out before going into the bathroom and getting tweezers, bandages and a warm face cloth. He came back in and sat down next to Greg, whose tears had returned to falling down his cheeks.

Nick knew better by now than to ask. He motioned for Greg to shift over and lay down so his head was resting in Nick's lap. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as Nick carefully removed the small pieces of glass and cleaned the tiny cuts. He then took Greg's arm and repeated the process, bandaging it after he was finished.

Greg slowly stood up. "At least I'm not drunk this time." He said with a sad smile. He kissed Nick's forehead gently. "I love you." He said softly before he turned and went into the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him.

Nick just stared blankly after him. Once he was fairly sure Greg had already fallen asleep, he got up and put the stuff he had used to clean Greg's cuts back in the bathroom. As he walked by the bedroom to go back into the living room, he heard Greg crying again. He paused outside of the door, contemplating what he should do. He raised his hand to open the door, but stopped before he reached the doorknob. He shook his head and walked back into the living room, grabbed his jacket and went out onto the back porch.

He sat down on the cold deck, taking his cigarettes and lighter out of his jacket pocket. He quickly lit one and took a long drag, exhaling slowly into the night air. He frowned when he realized this pack was almost gone and he would undoubtedly need another one very soon. He had been smoking for quite some time, but only a few a month. He knew it wasn't good for him, but it wasn't like he was smoking a pack a day. Yet.

Ever since Greg had started…whatever it was that was going on...Nick had found himself smoking more and more. He couldn't help it, and couldn't say truthfully that he minded all that much. No matter how bad it was for his health, smoking truly did help with the stress.

He stared out into the darkness, finishing up his first cigarette and lighting the second. He was about halfway done with that one when he heard the sliding glass door behind him open and close. He didn't turn around or look at Greg when he sat down next to him. He just inhaled more nicotine and other nameless chemicals that were rolled up in the little piece of paper in his hand.

"You smoke?" Greg asked dumbfounded.

Nick nodded as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. "Yeah." He said simply.

"Since when?" Greg asked, shaking his head.

Nick turned and looked Greg straight in the eyes. "Sucks not knowing stuff, doesn't it?" He said with a sarcastic smile.

Greg rubbed the back of his neck. "Nick…I told you I'm fine."

Nick twisted his cigarette into the deck before throwing the butt into the yard. He grabbed his last one from inside his pocket and put it into his mouth. He reached up with the lighter to light it, but Greg grabbed it from between his lips.

"It's really not good for you." Greg said, throwing it under the porch.

"Neither is coming home at random times drunk and cut up and lying, Greggo." Nick said, staring back out over the dark yard.

"I'm not lying to you! I'm fine!" Greg said, defensive yet again.

"Am I missing something?" Nick said, finally looking back at Greg. "Or did I just miss the part where you used to always come home drunk and looking like you've been hit by a car?" Greg didn't answer. He looked down at his feet and fell silent. "What the hell is going on, Greg? I know you better than this...it's scaring the hell out of me."

Greg looked up and brushed away the tear that was trailing down his cheek. "I…I can't tell you. Don't worry, I'm fine."

Nick nodded. "Okay, fine. What the fuck am I supposed to do then? Pretend I don't care? That's not gonna work out too well. What am I supposed to do if you don't come home one night?" Nick was almost yelling now.

"Why wouldn't I come home?" Greg asked.

"How the hell should I know?" Nick asked angrily. "I have no idea where you are half the time, and every time I ask, you freak out. I know that whatever it is you're not telling me can't be good." More tears started falling from Greg's eyes. He tried to look away, but Nick gently pulled his chin towards him, not letting Greg get away that easily. He wiped away his boyfriend's tears and said softly, "Let me help you."

Greg shook his head. "I…c-can't…"

Nick dropped his hand and sighed as he stood up and walked back into the house, leaving Greg outside on the deck by himself.

* * *

Warrick was thankful that Nick was too tired to want to try and drink everything away. He'd seen the Texan do that on numerous occasions, and that was something he didn't want to see again anytime soon. 

"It keeps getting worse man." Nick said, shaking his head.

Warrick sighed. "I know…why isn't he listening?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. Sara's even said something to him, he won't even listen to her. Whatever it is can't be good at all…"

Warrick looked at his best friend. He was sitting on his couch again and smelling like smoke. His skin was getting paler and he was looking more and more tired every time Warrick saw him. Warrick sighed heavily again.

"When's the last time you slept?" He asked.

Nick thought for a second. "Well…today's…Monday…so that would make it…3 weeks ago?"

Warrick nodded slowly. "What are you gonna do man?"

Nick shook his head. "There's nothing I can do. I can't help him because I have no idea what's going on…as far as I can tell, he's either joined a Fight Club or is cheating on me...or both."

"Come on Nick, Greg wouldn't do that."

Nick shook his head and shrugged. "I never thought he'd do what he's doing now, either." He sighed. "I can't break up with him either…"

"You love him too much." Warrick finished for him. Nick nodded silently. "I'll try talking to him again…maybe he'll snap out of it."

Nick closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. "I sure as hell hope so."

* * *

Greg stood in the shower, letting the hot water cascade over him. After a thorough scrubbing of his entire body, he had resorted to what he hated doing almost more than hurting Nick. No matter how much he hated both things, he couldn't stop doing them. 

Greg held the razor on his skin, the blade now warm from the water. Before he could talk himself out of it, he quickly jerked his hand to the right, slicing the blade across his wrist. He stared down at the dark crimson blood flowing from the cut. He watched as the blood mixed with the water, making it turn a bright red. He didn't even flinch anymore. He ran his thumb over the other fresh cuts and ones that had turned to scars. He subconsciously counted them. _Lucky number seven..._

He was glad Nick never seemed to notice these cuts. Or maybe he did and he just wasn't saying anything. Greg knew he would never understand that everything he was doing was to protect him. He knew he was hurting Nick, and that was killing him. But he also knew that if he didn't do what he knew he had to, things would only get worse. And Greg wouldn't let that happen.


	3. Your Nightmare

"Greg?" Nick called into the bedroom from the living room.

"Yeah?" Greg said, appearing from their room and walking up to Nick, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Nick smiled and put his hands on Greg's hips. "I gotta go to the DMV and then interview a witness with Warrick for the Cameron case."

"Okay." Greg said.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"And I'll be sleeping." Greg smiled.

Nick leaned in and kissed Greg, who tighten his grip on Nick's neck and pulled him closer. They both groaned when after a few minutes Nick's cell phone rang. He unclipped it from his belt and answered it.

"Hello? Okay…yeah…bye." He hung up and returned his phone to his belt clip. "I gotta go now…Warrick's three seconds away." He kissed Greg's quickly before walking away. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." Greg said before Nick was out the door. He waited 20 minutes, making sure Nick wasn't coming back in case he forgot something or for some other reason before grabbing his keys and leaving as well.

* * *

Greg clenched and unclenched his fists several times in a failed attempt to get his hands to stop shaking. He sat on the painfully familiar couch, staring at the coffee table in front of him. He forced himself to look up when he heard the bathroom door open and watch the tall, brown haired man he knew all too well walk over and pull him to his feet and pressed their bodies together. 

"Isn't it much better this way?" He whispered into Greg's ear.

Greg nodded. "Y-yeah…"

"You don't seem so sure. Would you rather me ask Nick?"

Greg tried to back away, but the firm grip on his arms restrained him from doing so. He could feel the bruises starting to form already. He couldn't form any words, so he just shook his head.

"That's what I thought. We don't need him messing anything up…there's consequences for that."

Greg shuddered as he felt a hand slide up his shirt. "Just leave him out of this, Matt." He said, pulling his face away from Matt's.

"This is all about him, though, isn't it?" Matt said, tightening his grip on Greg's arm. "He's the one you left me for and why you won't come back to me."

"That…and I never loved you." Greg said.

Matt released his hand from Greg's arm long enough so he could punch him in the face, sending Greg stumbling backwards. He pushed the smaller man to the ground and kicked him in the ribs before kneeling on his chest and pulling his head up from the floor by his spiky blonde hair.

"And you love him?" Greg nodded, his jaw set and eyes dark brown. Matt snorted. "Yeah, and I'm sure he loves you just as much. That's why he's been protecting you all this time…oh, wait…" He smiled evilly. He leaned in towards Greg, holding his head in place so he could kiss him. Greg had to fight back the urge to throw up. "Whether you like it or not, you're mine now." He hauled Greg to his feet and pushed him down the hall towards the bedroom. "Shall we?"

* * *

This time was different. Greg didn't go to a bar after his 'visit' with Matt and get drunk before he went home. He couldn't. He could feel his heart slowly breaking as he remembered what Matt had said to him while was huddled in the corner after he had sex with him.

_"When he finds out what you're doing, he'll leave you, and we can be together again." Greg shook his head weakly. "How about I just have some fun with him...then kill him right in front of you?" Greg's heart dropped to his stomach. "It'll be slow and painful, like how you're torturing him now." There was nothing Greg could to do hold back his tears. "He doesn't love you anyway, so why does it matter if I slice his throat?"_

He drove as fast as he could, tears stinging his eyes all the way home. He stumbled into the house, heading for the bedroom he shared with Nick, but changed his mind. He couldn't sleep there after doing what he just did, regardless of why he did it. He went into the guestroom instead and fell onto the bed, letting the tears fall from his eyes.

He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but that didn't work too well. He was just about to fall asleep when he heard the front door open. Relief washed over him when he thought Nick was home, but something felt wrong. He knew Nick's footsteps…and those weren't his. _You're going crazy, Greg…_he thought to himself. He sat up when the door to the guestroom opened. Greg's heartbeat increased tenfold when he couldn't see who the dark figure standing in the doorway was. Even though he knew better, he prayed and hoped it wasn't who he thought it was.

Greg swallowed the lump in his throat. His voice was shaky and filled with fear. "Nick?"

* * *

"Things with Greg any better?" Warrick asked as he turned onto Nick's street. 

"Getting there." Nick answered with a sigh. He frowned when his house came into view.

"Whose car is that?" Warrick asked, coming to a stop in front of Nick's driveway and turning the car off.

"I don't know…" Nick's eyes fell on the front door. "Greg would never leave the door open…" He turned to Warrick, fear in both their eyes. They quietly got out of the car and walked up to the front door, each drawing their guns.

Warrick opened the door a little more so they could go inside at the same time. They looked around the living room with their guns raised and ready. They snapped their heads to their left when they heard the scream come from down the hallway.

Nick ran down the hall, followed closely by Warrick. Nick checked the bedroom while Warrick cleared the bathroom. Nick tried to open the guestroom door, but it was locked. He didn't even hesitate before kicking the door open and running into the room, Warrick right behind him. Neither one of them could, or wanted to, believe what they saw.

Greg was handcuffed to the bed, blood running down his arms from the cuts on his wrists from his struggling. His shirt was ripped and thrown to the side. His exposed chest was bruised and cut up. He had similar cuts and bruises on his face and neck. His faded blue jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped and were being tugged down by a muscular blonde man a few years older than Greg. He was straddling Greg's knees and turned in frustration when he was interrupted.

"Get off of him!" Nick ordered, training his gun on Greg's assailant.

The man did as he was asked. He got off of Greg, then the bed. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he grabbed the gun he had hidden in the back of his jeans and pressed it against Greg's temple forcefully. Greg's eyes were squeezed shut and his body was shaking violently.

"Put the gun down and get away from him!" Warrick yelled.

The man only smiled. "Why don't you put your guns down and leave us alone?" He said. "I swear I'll kill him." He pressed the gun to Greg's head harder.

Nick's voice was surprisingly steady. "Just leave him alone…point the gun at me." He said, raising both of his hands above his head.

"You're Nick, aren't you?"

Nick ignored the question. "Just point the gun at me."

"I'd rather just kill this little son of a bitch."

The man turned his attention towards Greg, but that's as far as he got. Nick lowered the gun and aimed it straight at the man's chest and fired twice. His target fell backwards and lay still.

Nick dropped the gun and ran over to the bed. Warrick went around the other side to the guy laying on the floor, but Nick forgot he was even there. He carefully straddled Greg's waist and put his hands on either side of Greg's face and tried to calm him down.

"Greg…it's me. You're safe, okay?"

Greg's body was shaking uncontrollably from his sobs and he couldn't hear Nick because of the loud beating of his heart in his ears. He struggled against Nick's weight and the handcuffs, trying to get free. He succeeded only in deepening the cuts on his wrists. The handcuffs were as loose enough to make Greg think he could get away, but tight enough so he couldn't.

Nick slipped his fingers in between Greg's wrists and the metal handcuffs, stopping him from doing anymore damage. The pressure cut Nick's knuckles, but he didn't care. He gently rubbed Greg's wrists with is free thumbs and kept talking to him.

"Greggo…open your eyes. It's me, you can open your eyes now." Nick's eyes scanned over all the cuts on Greg's face and followed the trail of blood down to his neck, tears stinging his eyes with everything he saw. There were painful looking bite marks on his neck and chest. Nick fought back his own tears as he watched Greg's spill down his face.

"Nicky…" Warrick said softly. Nick looked over at Warrick, who was standing next to the body on the floor. He shook his head and Nick understood. He was dead.

Nick didn't dwell on it for too long. He turned back to Greg, who was still having a panic attack. Nick knew he probably couldn't hear him, so he slipped one of his hands out from under the handcuffs and threaded his fingers through Greg's hair and gently brushed his lips against Greg's.

He moved his mouth next to Greg's ear, breathing against his neck, calming the younger man down a little. "Greggo...it's me, it's Nick." He said softly. "You're safe now. You need to calm down, okay?" Nick felt Greg nod slowly before burying his face against Nick's shoulder. "It's okay, I promise." Nick said soothingly. "I'm gonna take the handcuffs off, but you have to promise to lay still so we can get some evidence from you, okay?" Greg's breathing was still ragged, but he was starting to get himself under control. "I know you don't want to, but we need to, okay? It won't be long I swear."

Greg nodded and opened his eyes slowly as Nick leaned back and slowly got off of Greg. Warrick quickly took off the handcuffs on Greg's left wrist before moving over to the other side. Greg's hand fell limply to his side. Nick slid his warm hand into Greg's and squeezed it gently.

Warrick freed his other hand and immediatly began taking samples from Greg with the kit he had produced from the bedroom across the hall. Greg kept his eyes on Nick the entire time. Nick rubbed the top of Greg's hand with his thumb and ran his hand through his blonde hair.

Just as Warrick finished, they heard police sirens coming up the street. Frowning, Nick looked at Warrick.

"I called Brass while you were calming him down." He explained simply. Nick nodded silently.

The chaos that ensued was surreal. Nick and Warrick were taken away from Greg, who was put in an ambulance and driven away. A young officer put Nick and Warrick into the back of a police cruiser, the battle easily won by the cop. Neither one of them had the energy to protest.

"We just needed to get you guys outta there." Brass' voice came from the front of the car, and Nick and Warrick both sighed in relief. They rode the rest of the way to the station in silence. They walked in the same way, but they were disrupted by Sara's angry yells from down the hall.

"What the hell Nick?" She yelled, trying to run towards him. Grissom held her back by her shoulders.

Nick didn't look up. He didn't even seem to hear her.

"You're supposed to protect him!" She choked out through a sob.

Nick turned and looked at her silently before Warrick pulled him into the interrogation room with Brass. Nick let Warrick lead him to a chair and sat down across from Brass. He sighed heavily, unable to postpon the inevitable.


	4. Save Me

"Okay guys...I hate this just as much as you...so let's just get it over with, alright?" Brass said to the two CSIs. They just nodded slowly. "What the hell happened?" 

Nick took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through is hair. "We got back to my house...a strange car was in the driveway and the door was open..."

"We followed protocol." Warrick chimed in.

Brass held up his hands. "I'm on your side."

"I know...sorry." Warrick said, rubbing his eyes.

"We cleared the rooms and then..." Nick's voice broke and he tuned out as Warrick described what had happened after that. He looked up from his staring contest with the table and met Brass' eyes.

"I swear I thought he was gonna hurt Greg...I was just try to pr-"

Brass cut him off. "I know, I know. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" Nick nodded weakly. Brass sighed. "I'm telling you both right now Ecklie is gonna be pissed."

"Ecklie_ is_ pissed." Grissom corrected as he walked into the room. He held up his hands to silence the two younger CSIs. "I know...he's always pissed. But you **cannot** let this get to you, alright? People are gonna talk. Let them talk." Nick and Warrick nodded again. "The samples are being processed as we speak and are the top priority. Greg's being checked over at the hospital, and as of late, he's fine. Pretty much everyone at the lab's heard somehow..."

"Dayshift." Nick and Warrick said in unison.

Grissom sighed. "Most likely. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is making sure we prove this guy did it so it'll go away as a case." He sat down next to Brass. "How are you two doing?"

Nick and Warrick exchanged glances and shrugged. "Better than Greg I bet." Nick said sadly.

"And whose fault is that?" Sara's angry voice startled the four men sitting at the table.

"Sara..." Grissom warned. He stood and crossed the room in two long strides and gently pushed Sara back. "Please don't try and make this situation any worse."

"Nick's done a good enough job of that already." She said coldly before turning and disappearing back into the hallway. Grissom closed the door and turned back to Nick.

"She's just upset, you didn't do anything wrong Nicky."

Nick shook his head slowly. He opened his mouth, but Warrick spoke before him.

"Don't Nick." He said firmly but softly. "It's not your fault man."

Nick hung his head and sighed heavily. "I need a drink."

"Soda." Warrick said to his best friend as he got up and headed for the door.

Nick smiled weakly. "I know...I promise I won't go get drunk." He left the room and looked both ways down the hall, relieved Sara was nowhere to be seen. He headed for the soda machine at the end of the hall, ignoring the numerous people staring at him. He was about to reach into his jeans pocket to get a dollar when the last person he wanted to see called out to him.

"Hey, Stokes."

Nick gritted his teeth as he turned around, forcing a fake smile onto his lips. "What's up Ecklie?" He asked dryly.

"What were you thinkning?" He asked, shaking his head.

"Not a good time man..." Nick said. He started to turn back to the machine, but was pulled back around by Ecklie.

"I'm sorry your little boyfriend was cheating on you, but that's never been an excuse to kill someone."

Nick clenched his fists. "He was trying to rape him then was gonna kill him. Warrick was there, why don't you just ask him if you don't want to believe me?"

"Well that clears things up." Ecklie said. "You walked in on your best friend and boyfriend and lost it."

Nick shook his head, not believing what he thought he was hearing. "What the hell is wrong with you? They would never do th-"

"Give it up Stokes." Ecklie cut him off. "It must be an awful feeling, but you have to accept the fact that-"

Ecklie was interrupted mid-sentence by Nick's fist crashing into the bridge of his nose. He stumbled backwards, almost bumping into Hodges, who smiled approvingly and stepped out of the way. He slammed into the wall, staring dumbfounded at Nick.

If everyone hadn't been looking at Nick before, they were now. Almost the enitre LVPD saw the encounter, and not many were upset at the fact that Conrad Ecklie had been punched in the face.

Nick hadn't even seen Warrick, Brass and Grissom leave their room. They were halfway down the hall when Nick had punched Ecklie. Now Warrick was grabbing Nick by the shoulders and pulling him back down the hall as Brass and Grissom tried to hold back their grins.

"Oh its's gonna be real funny when he gets fired." Ecklie said. He straightened himself out. He tried to dab away the blood spilling from his nose and down onto his suit, but was unsuccessful.

"That'd be your loss as much as anyone else's, Conrad." Grissom said before turning with Brass and following Nick and Warrick back in the interrogation room. He held up his hands and shook his head at Nick. "Why do you get to hit him and I don't?"

"He can say anything he wants about me, I really don't fucking care. But when he starts saying...I don't even know what...about my best friend and boyfriend...fuck that. Not gonna happen." Grissom sighed as Nick explained himself, nodding slowly as he finished.

"That son of a bitch..." Brass said, thinking out loud.

"Why does he think he has the right to be such an ass?" Warrick asked angrily.

Nick shook his head. "Who the hell knows...I just don't care anymore. He can fire me, suspend me, make my life a living hell from now on...I don't care. All I care about is Greg." His voice went from firm and steady to weak and shaky. Warrick put his hand on his best friend's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

As if on cue, Catherine came into the interrogation room. "Sorry to interrupt..."

"Please do." Grissom said with a sigh.

"I have some good news...and some bad news."

"Is Greg okay?" Nick asked frantically.

Catherine nodded slowly. "Yeah...they just released him, an officer brought him home and we're keeping an eye out. The scene has been cleared so you guys can be at home." Nick sighed in relief. "But..." Catherine continued slowly. "The doctors found evidence of a previous struggle..." She trailed off but picked back up when she felt the eyes of the four men burning into her. "Greg was raped."

Nick shook his head disbelievingly. "No...his jeans were still on...he couldn't have been..." He couldn't even bring himself to say it.

Catherine smiled sadly. "The...DNA...wasn't a match to the blonde assailant, Sean O'Connel. But it belonged to a Matthew Hayre. He works at the Tangiers...he's being tracked down right now."

Nick let out a short, dry laugh. "This is unbelievable..." He shook his head slowly. "I gotta get home." He said simply.

Grissom nodded. "Go ahead." Nick headed for the door, followed by Warrick.

"Take care of him." Catherine said to Nick about Greg, and to Warrick about Nick. Both men understood soundly. They got into Nick's Denali that had been left there a few days ago and pulled out of the LVPD parking lot. Warrick drove as quickly as he could, but not dangerously. Nick stared out the window, trying to control the thoughts racing through is mind.

Warrik finally pulled into the driveway, turning to Nick before he left. "Let me know if you need anything. Anything at all man."

Nick nodded once. "Thanks bro." He said softly before going into his house.

He was starting to get nervous when he heard complete silence and Greg was nowhere in sight. He headed for the bedroom, but was rerouted to the bathroom when he saw the door was open and could hear the shower going. Greg's clothes were in a heap on the floor outside the bathroom doorway. Nick entered slowly, his heart breaking when he heard Greg's muffled sobs.

The shower curtain was open to reveal Greg sitting in the tub, hugging his knees to his chest. His back was pressed against the back wall and his head was buried in his arms. His skin was slightly blue and his body was shaking violently.

Nick didn't think twice as he climbed into the shower and kneeled in front of Greg. He gasped when the freezing water starting beating onto his back, soaking through his clothes and onto his skin. He used himself as a barrier between Greg and the freezing water. Greg looked up at Nick with bloodshot eyes from under his blonde/brown hair that was matted to his head.

Nick placed his hands on either side of Greg's face and gently brushed his thumbs back and forth under Greg's eyes, wiping away his warm tears. Greg closed his eyes and nuzzled into Nick's touch. His warms hands felt good on his cold skin. He bit his bottom quivering blue lip as more tears spilled down his cheeks.

"You're safe now, I promise. Nobody can hurt you now, okay?"

Greg opened his eyes and nodded weakly, but didn't seem like he believed Nick, no matter how much he wanted to.

Nick slowly stood, pulling Greg up with him. He turned off the water and turned back to Greg, letting the younger man tightly wrap his arms around his neck. Nick wrapped his arms around Greg's waist and softly whispered in his ear in between gentle kisses to his neck.

"Everything's gonna be okay. It's over now, you're safe." Nick tightly wrapped a warm towel around Greg before he slowly started walking backwards, leading Greg out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. Once they made it there, Nick grabbed Greg's favorite pair of sweatpants and his old Texas A&M t-shirt that Greg constantly wore. He helped Greg change before he changed out of his wet clothes.

Greg tried to smile, but it was choked away by a sob and overflow of tears. Nick hugged Greg close and kissed the base of his neck up to the sensitive spot behind Greg's left ear. He gently started pushing him backwards until the back of Greg's knees hit the edge of the bed. Nick carefully layed him down, still kissing him gently as he pulled the covers over them. Nick shifted so he was laying on his back and pulled Greg as close as he could when he buried his head in the crook of Nick's neck. Nick ran his hand back and forth through Greg's damp hair and slowly slid his hand up his shirt so he could trace the scars on Greg's back.

Nick let his own tears finally fall when he felt Greg's fall onto his collarbone. "I'm so sorry sweetie...it's okay now. I promise you everything's gonna be okay." He kissed the top of Greg's head before burying his face into the soft hair. He inhaled the unique smell of Greg's hair and held him as tight as he could, hoping that he could hug him hard enough to absorb all of his pain.

* * *

**I know it's so unrealistic that they get the tests results that quickly, but I figured that was better than dragging on for a few chapters until it made more sense. Hope you enjoyed, thanks for the reviews.**


	5. Ignore the Noise

Nick wasn't sure how long Greg had been sleeping. He was relieved he had been able to fall asleep at all. It had taken a pretty long time. All Nick could do was lay there and hold Greg tightly, running his hands through the younger man's hair and over the scars on his back to calm him. He finally fell asleep from the exhaustion of the day's events. Nick wished they could stay like that forever because Greg was peaceful and wasn't having any nightmares. He kept himself from falling asleep so he could wake Greg if he needed to. Nick would stay awake forever if it meant he could keep Greg safe. 

Even before Greg's sudden change in behavior, Nick had never slept much. He would lay awake and listen to Greg breathe and feel his heartbeat as he slept. Nick never wanted to sleep because he was afraid he'd wake up and everything would be a dream. He was afraid he'd wake up and Greg wouldn't be next to him. He'd run his hands over Greg's soft skin and inhale his scent as he took in every little detail. He could describe everything about Greg instantly, without hesitation. He never wanted to forget how he felt, tasted, smelt or looked. Nick was scared to death of losing him, so he spent every second he could paying attention to the man he loved.

After what Nick estimated to be about 3 or 4 hours, Greg began to shake slightly. His hands twitched and his breathing went from slow and steady to quick and rapid. Nick shook him gently and whispered softly in his ear.

"Greggo...you're having a nightmare. Wake up...it's okay you can wake up."

Greg woke with a start and looked around the room, his eyes scanning everything frantically. He finally looked up at Nick and relaxed. Nick smiled slightly and kissed his boyfriend's forehead.

"It was just a dream. You're safe now. It's okay Greg." Nick said soothingly. Silent tears rolled down Greg's cheeks. Nick slid his hand out from under Greg's shirt and brushed the tears away before threading his fingers through Greg's.

"I'm so sorry Nick..." Greg said. His voice was soft and shaky. More tears flowed from over his eyelids and down his cheeks.

"Don't be." Nick said simply. He kissed away Greg's tears gently before brushing his lips with Greg's. Greg's breath hitched and he pulled away from Nick.

"I didn't mean to hurt you I really didn't...I'm sorry I'm so sorry..." Greg spilled out his apology so rapidly Nick was barely able to understand it.

"Shhhh slow down G. " Greg closed his eyes briefly before looking back up at Nick. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Greg nodded weakly. He took a deep breath and froced himself to look Nick in the eyes. "It's a long story..."

"We've got all the time in the world." Nick said. He wrapped his arm around Greg's waist and pulled him closer.

"Okay..." Greg took another deep breath. "This guy I dated, Matt..." Nick remebered Catherine saying the guy who raped Greg was named Matt. "We broke up a couple years ago, just before we got together. We were better friends I thought and I didn't really like him that much...well, he freaked, but I thought he was harmless. He called me a couple times and then I didn't hear from him for a while so I thought he just got over me...then..."

His voice broke and Nick squeezed his hand gently, encouraging him to go on. "He called a few months ago and told me to meet him at a bar, but I said no...then he said if I ever wanted to see you again I had better come, so I did." Greg smiled sadly and looked away from Nick. He stared at Nick's chest and took a handful of his lover's shirt, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. "He tried to get me to go back to him, but I wouldn't. Then he said if he couldn't have me, no one could and he threatened to..." His voice was broken by a sob and Greg had to take another deep breath to steady it. "He said he was gonna kill you. So we somehow worked out this fucked up deal...he said that if I had sex with him every once in a while he would leave you alone. The that other guy Sean...he was the one who beat me up. I could never fight back because I was afraid that they'd hurt you..."

Nick stared at Greg in disbelief. He knew that the truth of the situation wasn't going to be good, but he never would have imagined this.

"Then today...Matt said he was gonna kill you anyway and that it didn't matter because you didn't love me because you were letting this happen and he said we could be together again..." Greg started shaking violently as he went into another panic attack. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in an effort to get the voice in his head to go away.

_"When he finds out what you're doing, he'll leave you, and we can be together again."_ Hot tears stung Greg's eyes, and he squeezed them tighter and shook his head slowly.

_"How about I just have some fun with him...then kill him right in front of you?"_ Greg couldn't stop the image of Matt beating and raping Nick from entering his mind. It was unbearable.

_"It'll be slow and painful, like how you're torturing him now. He doesn't love you anyway, so why does it matter if I slice his throat?"_ Greg tried to scream when he saw Nick lying in a poll of his own blood with Matt standing over him smiling, but he couldn't catch his breath to force the sound from his throat.

Nick shifted so he was straddling Greg's waist like he had done earlier. He slid both of his hands up Greg's shirt and rubbed his sides gently. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Greg's.

Greg flinched at first because he thought it was Matt kissing him. He relaxed when he realized it was Nick. He knew Nick's kiss better than he knew his own name. Greg reached up and threaded his fingers through Nick's hair. The feel of it calmed him down.

Nick pulled away slightly so he could speak. "You're safe Greggo. I'm right here. You're safe, I promise."

Greg pulled Nick back down into a desperate kiss. Nick answered back just as desperatly, but then slowed it down. He let Greg's tongue roam around his mouth before he pulled away and kissed along Greg's jawline, breaking contact only to pull of Greg's t-shirt.

"Nick...I dont want to ha-" Greg tried to protest, but Nick stopped him.

"I know. It's okay." Nick felt Greg tense under his touch. "Do you trust me?"

Greg nodded weakly. He was unable to wipe away his tears due to the fact that he wasn't taking his hands out of Nick's hair anytime soon.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise." Nick said before going back to kissing Greg's jaw. He slowly moved to behind Greg's left ear and then down his neck. He kissed along his collarbone and across his shoulders before slowly making his way down to Greg's battered chest. He kissed every square inch of skin, concentrating a little more on the cuts and scars there. He kissed his way back up Greg's body to his mouth. He hovered over his lips for a few seconds before he kissed him so sweetly Greg never wanted him to stop.

Greg slid his hands down the back of Nick's neck and pulled him closer. He sighed when Nick pulled away far enough so he could look him in the eyes. Greg let his hands slide down Nick's shoulders and arms until he let them rest on his forearms.

Nick took his right hand from Greg's side and traced his fingers up his arm and brushed over the cut up skin before he slid his hand into Greg's. He gently pushed his hand down so it was resting on the bed next to his head. Nick lifted his arm slightly so he could look at the cuts on Greg's wrist. He frowned and looked over to his right arm, then back to the other one. There were more cuts on the left than the right. Nick knew some were from the handcuffs...but the other were thinner and most were scars.

Nick looked at Greg, who turned away with tears in his eyes. Nick shook his head slowly when the realization of what the scars were from began to dawn on him. The tears falling from the guiltly look in Greg's eyes confirmed Nick's fear.

"Oh God...no...you didnt..." Nick buried his face in the crook of Greg's neck.

Greg pushed Nick away when he felt his warm tears fall onto his neck. "Please don't cry Nicky..."

Nick shook his head again. "You shouldn't have had to do this Greg...why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid they would kill you." Greg choked out through a sob.

Nick laced his fingers through the hair on the back of Greg's hair and pulled him as close as possible. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you..."

Greg shook his head and kissed Nick's neck softly. "You _**are**_ saving me."


	6. Light Sleeper

Against his will, Nick finally drifted off into a light sleep. Greg's warm weight eventually forced Nick's eyelids closed. He was awaken shortly after by something cold being pressed against his cheek. 

Nick slowly opened his eyes, immediatly focusing on Greg, who was still asleep in his arms. He smiled slighty and tried to turn his head to his left to look at the clock, but was stopped by something digging into his cheek. He frowned and moved his head to the right, only to be followed by whatever it was.

Nick's sleepy mind quickly swung into full gear. He finally realized something cold and hard was pressing against his face. Something that felt an awful lot like the barrel of a gun.

"Listen carefully." Nick didn't recognize the voice of whoever was holding the gun to his head. "I'm gonna have to ask you to take your hands off of him."

Nick looked down at the still sleeping Greg. He had always wanted to test his theory that Greg could sleep through a tornado. He reluctantly raised his arms above his head and away from Greg. It was then that Greg began to stir.

"Nicky...come back..." Greg's voice was quiet and slurred with sleep.

"Wake up Greg." The man Nick still couldn't see said.

Greg instantly sat upright, eyes wide. "Matt...w-what are you doing?"

"I told you there were consequences of Nick getting in the way of us. I just gotta do what I gotta do. Get up Nick."

Nick slowly stood. His legs felt like jell-o, but his breathing was surprisingly steady, as was his voice. "Do I know you?"

Matt was now holding the gun a few inches in front of Nick's face. He smiled. "No, but I know you." He reached out and grabbed Nick's arm and threw him towards the door. He wasn't as muscular as Nick, but was still pretty strong. He held the gun against the back of Nick's neck and forced him into the living room. Greg stumbled after them.

"Leave him alone Matt!" Greg pleaded.

Matt ignored Greg and spun Nick around. "You took someone away from me that I loved." He reached into his jacket pokcet and pulled out a pocket knife and flipped it open. "You took him from me, so I'm gonna take him from you."

He turned and took a few steps towards Greg, but Nick was faster. He lunged at Matt and collided with him, knocking them both to the floor. After a few brief seconds of a useless struggle, Nick cried out in pain and grabbed his left side. Greg felt like he had been punched in the stomach when he saw blood seeping through Nick's fingers.

Matt got to his feet and threw the bloody knife to the floor. He raised the gun and pointed it straight at Nick's heart and was about to fire when Greg got in the way.

"Move." Matt commanded.

"No." Greg said, shaking his head as he kneeled down next to Nick. He looked down at Nick, unable to hold back his tears.

"Move." Matt said again.

"Greg, please get out of the way." Nick said breathlessly. His stab wound was just below his rib cage and was bleeding profously.

Greg shook his head again. "No. I'm not leaving you."

Nick's eyes were pleading with Greg. "I don't want you to get hurt...please move Greg..." Nick winced at the pain talking was causing. He tried to push Greg away, but he wouldn't budge.

"You always had to make everything so difficult..." Matt snarled as he walked up to Greg silently. Nick opened his mouth to warn Greg, but Marrslammed the handle of the gun into the back of his head and knocked him out before he couldn't force the air from his lungs. "Is he really worth all of this to you?" Matt asked before knocking Nick out with a clip of the gun just above his right eye.

* * *

Warrick was panicking, but only slightly. 

"Why the hell isn't he answering his phone?" Okay, he was panicking a little more than slightly.

Catherine was doing her best to calm him down. "They're probably sleeping Warrick. I'm sure everything's-"

"Nick and Greg are gone." Grissom interrupted as he walked into the break room.

"What?!" Catherine and Warrick exclaimed.

Grissom took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "The officer that was watching the house...fell asleep...and when he woke up, a car was speeding down the street, so he checked the house...and they weren't there. There was blood on the floor...but not enough to indicate that anyone died."

Warrick shook his head slowly. "You have got to be kidding me." He said soflty.

"We have an APB out on the car right now...but it was dark, so he couldn't-"

"See the car or anything very well." Catherine finished. Grissom nodded.

"We gotta find them..." Warrick said to himself more than anyone else.

Grissom responded nontheless. "We will."

* * *

Nick was shivering even before he woke up. Despite the throbbing pain in his left side and above his eyebrow, he slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear his vision. It didn't do much. It was dark, except for when he exhaled and could see his breath. He was lying down on something cold and wet.

He used all his strength to sit up, and that's when he realized where he was. He was in a small metal boat, in the middle of Lake Mead. Frowning, he turned around and looked behind him, regretting it immediatly.

Matt was sitting on the bench at the back, staring at him. He smiled evilly. "Hey Nick."

Nick ignored the greeting. "Where's Greg?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Matt's smile widened. "You don't need to worry about him anymore."

Nick had had enough. Something inside him snapped. He twisted his body so he was facing Matt and lunged, catching him off guard. They struggled for a bit before Nick gained the advantage and pinned Matt down against the bottom of the boat

"Where is he?" Nick demanded. When Matt didn't respond, Nick shook him and asked again. "What the fuck did you do to him?"

"You mean after I beat him up a little before we fucked?"

Nick didn't think he deserved the right to live anymore. He slammed his head against the metal bottom as hard as he could, instantly knocking him out. He was about to do it several more times when he remembered he needed to find Greg.

Nick looked francitally around for any sign of Greg. His heart stopped as he let his eyes fall to the black water, and the feeling in his gut told him everything he need to know. Without hesitation, he got to his feet and dove into the icy cold water.


	7. Make A Sound

Nick opened his eyes after the freezing cold water had surrounded him. He could barely see anything in the dark water. He reached his arms out and kicked, swimming towards the bottom. The pain in his side got worse the more he swam, but he wasn't giving up anytime soon. 

He looked around frantically until he saw a flash of blonde hair that made his heart stop beating. He swam towards it as fast as he could, watching the hair thrash in the water as Greg tried to move. Nick swam up behind him and felt his stomach drop when he saw his feet were tied and he was being held down by a huge block of cement. He swam around in front of him and cupped his face gently so Greg would open his eyes.

Greg shook his head when he saw Nick._ 'Nick...don't...go back up.'_ He mouthed. He would have screamed it if he had any air left in his lungs. His chest felt like it was on fire and his muscles felt like they had turned to stone.

Nick shook his head. He pressed his lips against Greg's and breathed into his mouth. The fresh oxygen relieved some of the pain in Greg's chest as he inhaled all he could.

Nick reached down and hooked his finger in the loop of Greg's jeans and pulled himself down. He stared at the complicated knot around Greg's ankles. There was a similiar one on the metal hook in the cement block. Nick tried untying both of them, but was unsuccessful.

He was starting to get dizzy and knew he was about to pass out, so he swam back up to the surface gasping for air. He inhaled as much as he could and went back down to Greg. He reapted the process of breathing air into Greg's lungs for him before he went to the rope again.

Seeing no other alternative, Nick began biting the rope. He had to bite through a strand at a time. The course rope cut up his gums and Nick could taste the blood before he saw it mixing with the water around him. He had gotten almost halfway through when he had to go back up for more air. When he came back down, Greg kept his lips sealed shut and shook his head. He wasn't gonna let Nick sacrifice himself to save him.

Nick laced his fingers through the hair on the back of Greg's head. When Greg still didn't budge, Nick removed his left hand and squeezed Greg's side, forcing him to open his mouth and exhaule in a short breath. Nick pulled Greg to him with his other hand and crashed their lips together, the air once again going from Nick's lungs to Greg's.

Nick went back to the rope. He started gnawing away as Greg tried to kick him to get him to go back up. Nick held his legs still and continued biting through the rope. He wasn't stopping no matter how bad his teeth or chest were hurting. He had to save Greg.

Just as his vision was starting to be overtaken by blackness, Nick broke through the rope. Nick pulled himself up and wrapped his arm around Greg's waist, dragging him up to the surface with him. Nick kicked as hard as he could. He was just about to pass out when their heads broke through the water. They gasped for air and clung to each other to stay above the water.

How they got to shore was something neither one of them could answer. Greg had managed to kick himself free of the ropes and dragged Nick onto the sand with him. Nick collapsed onto his back, his chest heaving from the strain he had put on his lungs. Greg's breathing wasn't nearly as strained as Nick's. He kneeled down next to his boyfriend and looked down at him sadly. He put pressure on the still bleeding wound on Nick's side. The small spaces in between Nick's white teeth were filled with blood from the cuts in his gums. They were shaking from the cold water and cool night air.

Greg ran his hand through Nick's wet hair with his free hand. "You shouldn't have done that..."

"I wasn't gonna leave you." Nick choked out.

"You could have-"

Nick cut him off. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

Greg nodded. "I'm fine...but-"

Nick shook his head. "That's all that matters."

* * *

Hodges couldn't have been happier when Brass ran into the breakroom with Grissom. He had been doing a pretty good job of annoying Warrick, and he was sure the older man was about to pound him. 

"We found the car!" Brass exclaimed breathlessly.

"Where?" Warrick asked.

Grissom tried to catch his breath. "Some lady...car outside her house...Lake Mead...Matt Hayre...boat gone..."

Warrick nodded in understanding. "Where's Nick and Greg?"

Brass shook his head. "We don't know, so let's go find out."

Warrick's heart was racing as Brass sped towards Lake Mead. This was too much like when they had last hurried to find Nick. That time he had been buried underground and almost didn't make it. Warrick forced the images of Nick holding the gun under his chin out of his mind and counted the minutes until they arrived. He prayed they wouldn't be too late for either of his friends this time.

* * *

Greg looked around frantically. Nick had passed out from lack of oxygen and blood loss. There was a house behind them with the porch light on, maybe someone was awake. He thought about getting up and running to the door, but quickly decided against it. He was too scared to leave Nick. His pale skin was illuminated in the moonlight. Nick's entire body was shaking more violently and his breathing went from quick and ragged to slow and strained. Greg didn't know which was better. 

Greg carefully applied more pressure to the wound in Nick's side. He tried to estimate how long they had been out of the water for. _It couldn't have been more than 20 minutes...could it?_ He had no way to tell for sure. He looked down at Nick through the tears in his eyes.

A sudden fear overwhelmed Greg's body and mind._ Where's Matt?_

His eyes bolted back to the dark water and he could faintly make out the boat a hundred yards away from shore. Goosebumps ran down his spine when he remembered what had happened after he woke up.

_Greg opened his eyes and sat upright as quickly as possible when he saw Nick's motionless body lying next to him. _

_"Nicky..." Greg gently shook his boyfriend's shoulder, but was interrupted with a powerful blow to his head. He turned around warily and fell back when he saw Matt._

_"This is what it comes down to Greg." He said, getting right to the point of all of this. "One of you is going to die. I'd much rather kill him and be with you, but that could get complicated. If I can't have you, no one can."_

_"Leave him alone." Greg choked out. "Do whatever you want to me, just leave Nick alone."_

_Matt didn't respond. He just simply punched Greg in the face, sending him backwards. Before he knew what was happening, his feet were tied to a heavy cement block and he was being held on the edge of the boat by Matt._

_"Why are you doing this for him?" Matt asked, his voice more hurt than angry._

_"Because I love him." Greg said simply._

_Matt shook his head and sneered. "Look where that got you." _

Greg was snapped out of his flashback by the loud blare of sirens. He looked up and saw the flashing lights speeding down the street on the other side of the trees. Relief washed over him when he heard them screech to a stop in front of the house he was near. Someone knew where they were.

Greg's hands started shaking and his heart skipped a beat when he realized Nick's chest was no longer moving slowly up and down beneath his hands. His own chest started to throb with the intense beating of his heart.

"Oh God..." He said quietly as he stared down at Nick, begging him to breathe. "Please Nick...you can't leave me..." He choked down a sob and didn't even hear Warrick run up to him. "You promised everything would be okay..."

Warrick gently pulled Greg to his feet and a few steps back away from Nick as the paramedics surrounded him. Greg's hands were shaking harder than they ever have and his face had lost all color is had previously had.

The paramedics were talking quietly to each other, and one of them started shaking his head. Greg and Warrick could barely make out the oldest looking one saying, "This doesn't look good fellas..."

Warrick held Greg's shoulders tighter when he tried to run back to Nick. He turned him around so they were facing each other and he looked him right in the eyes and squeezed his shoulders firmly.

"Greg, listen to me. Nick is going to be fine." Greg started shaking his head, so Warrick repeated himself. "Nick is going to be fine. I promise everything will be alright."

"What if he..." Greg's voice broke with another sob and he trailed off.

"Listen to me man. I know Nick better than I know myself. I know how strong he is and how much he loves you. There's no way he's going to give up now after everything that's happened." Greg didn't look too convinced. "I know you're scared and I know it's hard to see him like this, but you've gotta trust me. He's gonne be okay because of _you_."


	8. Down For Whatever

Greg sat in his chair and impatiently tapped his foot repeatedly. He somehow refrained from looking at the clock on the wall every few seconds whenever he got the urge to. He didn't want to know how long it had been since he had last seen Nick.

Warrick tapped him lightly on the shoulder when the doctor finally walked up. Greg broke away from his staring contest with the floor and jumped to his feet after Warrick. His throat was dry and scratchy from crying, so he remained quiet and let Warrick do all the talking, confident he would ask the questions that would get them all the answers they needed.

"How's Nick?" Warrick asked immediatly.

The doctor with the nametag of 'Dr. Leavell' shook his head slowly. "He's fine."

Warrick frowned. "Why do you look dissapointed at that?"

Leavell shook his head faster. "I'm sorry, I'm not. It's just that...well, I'm surprised he's doing so well to be honest." Greg looked from Warrick then back to the doctor several times. Leavell went on. "Mr. Stokes has put himself through a lot of strain. We had to pump a few quarts of water from his stomach and lungs. He lost a lot of blood from the wound to his side, but luckily he got here just in time."

Warrick nodded slowly. "But he's gonna be okay?"

Leavell nodded. "He's going to be fine. Although, he did stop breathing for a little while, and the lack of oxygen will most likely cause some brain damage resulting in memory loss."

Greg's face paled to ghost white and he was able to choke out a stangled, "What?"

Dr. Leavell held up his hands. "Oh, don't worry. I don't mean like amnesia. He won't forget who he is or your are or anything like that. It'll be very temporaray. He might not be able to remember what happened, nothing extreme.

Greg sighed in relief in unison with Warrick. "Can we see him?" The older CSI asked.

"He should be waking up soon and I wouldn't recommend him being alone. It's past visiting hours, but if you let him rest I can't see any harm being done. We want to keep him over night for observation to make sure everything's going smoothly. He should be able to go home after that. He's in room 234." Leavell shook hands with Warrick before he turned and left.

Warrick took a deep breath and turned to Greg. "You ready?" He asked.

Greg shook his head slowly. "No." He said weakly. "I...I c-can't see him like that Warrick. It scares me too much." His voice was almost a whisper.

Warrick sighed to himself. _Poor kid..._ "It's okay, I'll stay with him. Go home and get some rest."

Greg shook his head again. "I can't sleep without Nick." Warrick could tell he was fighting back tears. "C-can I just wait out here?"

Warrick squeezed Greg's shoulder gently. "You can do whatever you want Greggo. Catherine will be here in a little while. You can see Nick whenever you're ready."

"I just don't want him to be mad at me..." Warrick could barely hear Greg.

"He never gets mad at you."

Greg smiled slightly, but only for a minute. He eyes dropped back to the floor and he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry Warrick."

"For what?"

"What happened to Ni-"

Warrick cut him off. "Don't, Greg. It's not your fault. I'll bet my job that if Nick heard you say that, he'd yell at you for taking the blame for something you couldn't control."

Greg's small smiled returned. "Yeah...he would..." He couldn't stop the few tears from slowing falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. "Make sure he's okay...and tell him I love him."

Warrick smiled. "He already knows that Greg."

* * *

Nick lay completely still, hoping that it would make the dull pain in his entire body go away. When he finally gave in to the fact that it wouldn't he slowly opened his eyes and waited patiently for his visior to clear. When it did, relief washed over him. He wasn't in a plexiglass box underground.

No matter how much time passed, Nick was still afraid of the dark, ants, and green lights. He still had awful nightmares the few occassions he slept. He was still afraid to open his eyes when he couldn't feel Greg next to him in fear that he was never rescued from hell.

Warrick smiled down at him. "How ya feeling bro?" He asked quietly.

Nick thought about that for a second. When he realized there wasn't a good enough word to describe how he currently felt, he just shrugged slightly. "I don't know." He answered honestly. Warrick nodded slowly. They sat in a semi-uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Nick bolted upright despite the pain in his side and asked frantically, "Where's Greg?"

Warrick reached out and squeezed Nick's shoulder gently. "He's in the waiting room, he's fine man don't worry. You saved his life."

Nick fell back against his pillows with a sigh. "I shouldn't have had to. I should have been able to save him sooner." He let his tired eyes close, but was unable to fool Warrick into thinking he had fallen asleep. They knew each other too well.

"Come on Nick, you can't blame yourself for that. How were you supposed to know?"

Nick opened his eyes. "I thought he was cheating on me. Not thinking that would have been a good start."

Warrick shook his head. "You never really believed that man. You know he loves you too much to do something like that to you."

Nick sighed. "Yeah...he was letting himself be raped and beaten for me instead, and I was mad at him."

"You weren't mad, you were worried. You did everything you could to protect him."

"Except actually protect him." Nick said sadly.

* * *

Greg sank back against Nick's chest as they layed down on the couch. He sighed contently when the older man wrapped his strong arms around him and held him close. Greg rested his head in the crook of Nick's neck and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital." Greg said, glad he couldn't see Nick's face.

"Don't be." Nick responded simply.

Greg opened his eyes and craned his neck so he could look at Nick. "You're not mad at me?" He asked.

Nick smiled his infamous smile and shook his head slightly. "I could never be mad at you."

Nick leaned in slightly and kissed Greg softly. Greg couldn't help but smile into the kiss. He threaded his fingers through the short, dark hair above the back of Nick's neck and pulled him closer. Nick ran his fingers over Greg's arm and down his wrist. His thumb brushed over a scab and he felt Greg tense slightly. Nick pulled away and looked down at Greg's wrist as he slowly turned it over.

Greg once again closed his eyes and felt tears sting the back of his eyelids. He pulled his arm from Nick's hand and hugged it to his chest, his behavior a clear cut sign to Nick's worst fear.

"I can't stop..." Greg whispered. He choked down a sob and clenched his jaw against the tears building behind his closed eyes. Everything was supposed to be over, yet he was still hurting Nick.

Nick nodded slowly even though Greg couldn't see him. "Okay." He said softly before getting up off of the couch and disappearing into the bedroom. Greg opened his eyes and sat up. He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands, barely breathing until Nick came back into the room and sat down next to him.

Greg looked over at Nick and immediatly regretted doing so. Nick was sitting calmy next to him, resting his left arm in his lap and holding Greg's razor over his wrist.

"Nick...how did you-"

Nick cut him off. "I'll do it if you do it Greg."

Greg shook his head. "Nick, don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid." Nick's voice was starting to shake slightly and Greg could see tears starting to build up in his eyes. "Please stop Greg."

Tears were now flowing from Greg's eyes. "Nick...I can't...please don't do this..."

Greg had barely finished his sentence before Nick sliced the blade across his wrist. He barely flinched, but Greg flinched enough for the both of them. "Nick..." Greg's voice broke and he trailed off.

"Will you stop?" When after a few seconds Greg didn't respond, Nick cut again below the first one, this time harder. Blood poured from the cuts and ran down the sides of Nick's arms and pooled in his lap. "I'll do this as much as I have to to get you to stop. I couldn't bear losing you, especially not like this."

Greg quickly moved so he was straddling Nick's waist. He grapsed Nick's left wrist with his right hand and held it tighly to stop the bleeding. Nick let the razor fall from his hands and the tears fall down his cheeks as he looked at Greg.

"I'm sorry Nick...I just wanted it to be over..."

Nick shook his head slowly. "So who were you trying to kill? You or me?"

Greg's breathing hitched with a sob. "I never wanted you to get hurt Nick...I would never want you to..." He couldn't even bring himself to say it.

"If you died, that **would** kill me. Don't you get that? I can't live without you Greg. I just can't."

"It was just hard...I didn't know what else to do."

"_Let me help you_. When I was buried alive, I didn't think I had a choice either. I almost did it. I almost killed myself. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. But you doing the same thing is worse. If I have to lose you, it's not going to be like that. I'd rather be back in that box for the rest of my life then know that you had to resort to that."

Greg didn't know what to say. Nick barely ever talked about his kidnapping. When he woke up from a nightmare about that, Greg would just hug him close and sing him back to sleep. And Nick had never, ever talked about the fact that he had contemplated suicide.

Greg wiped away Nick's tears and kissed his forehead. He intertwined their fingers together and smiled as best he could. "I didn't have to resort to that because I have you." When more tears fell down Nick's face, Greg kissed them away and whispered, "That's not how I want this to end. If at all possible, I want to die in your arms."


	9. Certain Words in Uncertain Times

Greg's hands never shook when he was with Nick. But this past week had been an exception. 

The trial had taken a lot longer than it should have. Too many people had to testify and too much of the evidence had been called into question. The longer they had to wait for the jury to decide, the more Greg began to doubt the outcome.

They had finally been called back for the verdict, and were now waiting as patiently as possible. Greg tried as hard as he could to stop his hands from shaking, but he couldn't. He rested his head on Nick's shoulder and tried to keep his eyes open. Nick had his left arm wrapped around Greg's shoulders. When he saw how badly Greg's hands were shaking, he put his hand over his boyfriend's and laced their fingers together. He gently rubbed the back of Greg's hand with his thumb, and his hands started to shake less.

The rest of their team was sitting to Nick's right. Warrick, Catherine, Grissom, Sara, and even Brass had come to testify when needed and were here now to hear the verdict.

Nick felt Greg tense when Matt was led into the courtroom and over to the defendant's table. Greg couldn't help but stare back at Matt's piercing gaze full of hate. Greg's entire body began to shake and he started to feel dizzy.

"Nick..." His voice was barely audible, but Nick heard him.

"It's okay Greg, you're safe." Nick whispered. When he saw Matt staring at Greg, he shifted slightly. "Greg, don't look at him." Nick pulled his hand away from Greg's so he could gently pull Greg's chin towards him. "Don't look at him, look at me. You're safe, he can't hurt you. I promise." Greg nodded slowly and closed his eyes. He grabbed Nick's hand again and held it as tightly as he could. Nick kept his arm around Greg's shoulders as he ran his free hand back and forth through his soft hair. "It's all gonna be over soon sweetie." Nick's quiet voice kept Greg calm. He didn't even open his eyes when the judge told the defendant to please rise and asked the jury for their verdict.

"We find the defendant..." Greg recognized the voice as female. "Matthew Hayre..." Greg could never understand why they had to make this so suspenseful. He squeezed Nick's hand as hard as he could, hoping he wasn't breaking any bones. "Guilty on all charges." All the other voices faded and Greg couldn't hear anything else but the beating of his heart. He let out the breath he hand't realized he had been holding. He took a few deep breaths and didn't open his eyes until he felt Nick move next to him until he couldn't feel him anymore.

Greg opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. He finally found where Nick had wandered off to, and upon doing so, his sense of relief vanished and was replaced by the ever familiar feeling of fear.

Matt had somehow managed to get through the gate and must have been coming towards him. He was holding Nick by throat, even though that wasn't going to do much. Nick shoved him backwards and into the baliffs that had apparently taken their time getting over to them. Matt was quickly forced to the ground and handcuffed. Warrick had moved behind Nick and was holding him firmly by the shoulders, even though Nick was making no attempt to move.

Matt was dragged to his feet and out of the courtroom. Nick turned and faced Warrick and they started talking about something. Greg couldn't hear what they were saying, but Nick was laughing slightly and Warrick was smiling so he didn't care. Nick nodded slowly to Warrick before he made his way back over to Greg, who stood instinctively and wrapped his arms around Nick's neck.

"It's okay G. Everything's gonna be okay." Nick said. His voice was a little ragged, but was still soothing.

"I'm so sorry Nicky..." Greg said as he choked down a sob.

"It's not your fault Greggo. If I can't blame myself, you can't blame this on yourself." Nick rubbed small circles on Greg's back and kissed his neck. He pulled away slightly so he could look Greg in the eyes. "Let's go home now." Greg nodded slowly and followed Nick out of the courtroom.

* * *

Greg lazily drew weird shapes on Nick's bare stomach and chest. His head was once again rested on Nick's shoulder as they were lying in their bed, neither one of them able to fall asleep.

Greg abruptly stopped his geometry lesson on Nick's stomach and reached across him, taking Nick's left arm in his hand and bringing it towards him. He silently traced the two thin cuts on his wrist as tears started falling from his eyes.

"Why did you do this?" Greg asked quietly. He moved his finger up to Nick's palm and traced small cirlces there, but was still looking at the cuts on his wrist.

Nick closed his fingers over Greg's and brought his hand up to his lips and kissed the back of Greg's hand softly. "Because I love you." Nick said simply.

Greg shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense Nick."

"Yes it does."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't."

Nick smiled to himself at Greg's very argumentative attitude towards everything. "Did it get you to stop doing it to yourself?"

Greg nodded slowly. "Yeah...but-"

Nick cut him off. "But nothing. I did what I had to do to get you to stop. I'd do it all over again if I had to."

Greg fell silent for a few minutes before quietly asking, "Didn't it hurt?" He looked up at Nick with his dark brown eyes even darker than they usually are.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, it did." Greg wanted to look away, but couldn't. "But not as much as seeing you suffer the way you were before."

Greg shrugged. "It wasn't that bad."

Nick laughed sarcastically. "Yeah right. You probably don't remember much."

"Why do you think I kept getting drunk? I wanted to forget everything, forget what I was doing to you. I know it hurt you more than it hurt me."

Nick shook his head. "This isn't about me."

Greg closed his eyes. "It was always about you. Matt was jealous of you and would have hurt you worse than he was hurting me." He sighed slightly. "That's still not a good enough excuse to have sex with him so many times..." Greg thought aloud.

Nick bit the inside of his cheek and silently cursed himself at those words. Greg, being the very observant person that he was, noticed the change in the beating of Nick's heart underneath his ear. He looked up at Nick and the confirmation was in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Nick looked down at Greg and frowned unconvincingly. "Nothing." He lied.

Greg rolled his eyes. "Nick, you are the worst liar ever."

Nick sighed. "It's not a big deal."

"Liar."

Nick took a deep breath and looked away from Greg. He traced over the scar's on Greg's back and found it easier to talk that way. "I just...well...when you were coming home drunk and everything and wouldn't tell me what was going on...I just thought that maybe..." Nick trailed off, not wanting to say what he thought.

"What?" Greg forced himself into Nick's line of vision.

"That maybe...you were cheating on me or something." Nick closed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. _You're such a good guy..._ Nick thought to himself sarcastically.

Greg reached up and brushed away the tears that were falling down Nick's cheek. "Why would you think that?" He asked softly.

Nick opened his eyes. "I didn't know what to think. I wouldn't have blamed you."

Greg shook his head. "What are you talking about Nick?"

"Come on Greg. You know that you could do so much better than me."

Greg smiled, even though he was very confused. "No I couldn't, no one could. And even if somehow I could, why would I want to?"

"Because you're so amazing. You're the funniest, nicest, smartest...greatest...guy ever. You could be with anyone." Nick shrugged slightly. "I don't deserve you."

Greg had no idea what to say. He had been with Nick for a pretty long time, and he had never said anything like that. Greg never knew, or wanted to know, that he thought that way. He lifted his head from Nick's chest and shifted so his entire body was over Nick's. He smiled at Nick and played with Nick's dark hair like he always did. He leaned down and kissed Nick's lips, pulling only inches away so he could look him in the eyes.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked.

Nick nodded. "Yeah...but I don't know why."

Greg laughed softly. "Well there's gotta be a reason if the greatest guy in the world is with someone like **you**." He said sarcastically. "I'm only so amazing because I'm with you. I'll never be the same without you." He kissed Nick again before hovering his lips just above his and saying, "I love you more than you will ever know. I know you don't believe that you mean this much to me, but I _promise_ you that you do."


	10. Smashed Into Pieces

**Song lyrics are from the song "Untitled" by Simple Plan. WARNING: There _is_ a death of a main character coming. I apologize, but this story is a tragedy. Hope you continue to read and review.**

* * *

Nick was surprised at how qucikly things had gotten back to normal. After a brief meeting with the Sheriff, Nick's little scruffle with Ecklie was put in the past.

_"But his actions-"_

_Ecklie was cut off by the Sheriff. "Were completely called for. I heard from numerous people what you said. You have no right to speak to anyone that way, let alone one of your best CSIs."_

_"You did deserve it Ecklie." Nick said with a smirk._

_"Listen Stokes, you-"_

_Ecklie was cut off again. "There you go again. I think this lab would be much better off if more people had the guts Nick does to sock you every once in a while."_

Thinking about that still made Nick smile. He was very thankful that he hadn't been suspended, let alone fired.

He was more thankful for the fact that Greg was doing very well. Nick was having more nightmares than he was, but that happened a lot. Ever since he was buried alive he got panic and anxiety attacks. They used to be a real problem, but now he had Greg to calm him down. Whenever he'd wake up in the middle of the night or start freaking out in the middle of a nightmare, Greg would be there. He'd rest Nick's head on his chest and hold him tight. Greg would surf his hands though Nick's hair and sing him back to sleep.

Nick was slowly starting to get more and more run down. Added to the ridiculous commitment of being a CSI, Greg was fairly sure Nick had insomnia. He would barely sleep and when he did, he'd be disrupted by nightmares. He did everything he could to help Nick, but sometimes he felt completely useless.

Even though it had been Greg's night off, he was awake when Nick came home. He was in the kitchen trying to make breakfast when he heard the door open and close, followed by Nick falling onto the couch.

"Hi." Nick called to Greg simply. It was evident in his voice that he was exhausted.

"Tough case?" Greg asked as he finally gave up on pretending he knew how to make an omlette and walked into the living room.

"Mmhmm."

Nick's eyes were closed, so he had no way of knowing Greg was about to jump on him. Greg smiled evilly to himself as he leapt onto Nick and started laughing immediatly.

Nick grunted slightly and opened his eyes. He couldn't surpress a smile when he saw Greg smiling. "You are amused way to easily Greggo."

"I know." Greg said. He leaned down and kissed Nick. He pulled away after a short while and hung his head. "That's what I forgot..." He thought outloud.

Nick smiled. "What did you forget now?"

"I need to drop off the paperwork for the Lyons case to Sara. Son of a...she's gonna be pissed at me." Greg smiled at Nick. "You don't wanna go bring it to her, do you?" He asked as sweetly as possible.

Nick shook his head and smirked. "Nope. I'm way too tired to drive anywhere again and I don't want Sara to kill me. She likes you a helluva lot more than she likes me."

Greg sighed. "Fine. Be that way." He got up off of Nick and ran into the kitchen quick to grab the paperwork and his keys. "It shouldn't take too long...if I'm not back in an hour, Sara did it." Greg said as he walked through the front door, closing it behind him. Two seconds later he reappeared. "If she does kill me, you so can't have my iPod." And with that Greg was gone.

Nick smiled and closed his eyes again. He got comfortable on the couch and was asleep in minutes.

* * *

The loud ringing of his cell phone woke Nick up abruptly and caused him to fall off the couch. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and grabbed the phone off the coffee table to his left.

"Hello?" He said groggily.

"Hey Nicky...it's Warrick."

"Hey man what's up?" Nick asked as he lay down on the floor with his head under the coffee table.

"I uh...got some bad news..."

"DNA isn't the suspect's?" Nick didn't let his eyes close for the fear that he'd fall asleep while on the phone.

"No it's not that...Jesus Christ..." Warrick swore under his breath.

Nick was now almost fully awake. "What's wrong Warrick?" He was getting that nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach and he had a bad feeling about this.

"It's Greg...he was in a car accident."

Nick bolted upright, only to whack his head on the coffee table and fall back down. It felt eerily similiar to when he had woken up in the box and done the same thing, only this time the pounding was worse. "What? Is he okay?" Nick asked frantically as he scooted out from under the table and slowly stood.

"He's in a coma Nicky." Warrick said softly. "The doctors aren't sure if he's gonna make it."

Nick lost all ability to speak. His throat went bone dry and it felt like someone had literally squeezed all the air out of his lungs and was holding his windpipe shut. He somehow managed to hold the phone to his hear despite losing all the feeling in his body.

Everything that happened after that is a blur to Nick. He had somehow gotten from standing in his living room to outside of Greg's hospital room, looking in at him from the small window in the door. Grissom was talking to the doctor and Warrick was hugging Catherine. He couldn't hear or feel anything. He was praying to God that this was a horrible nightmare, but the pain in his heart told him otherwise.

I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight


	11. Not Forever

**Lyrics are again from 'Untitled.'**

* * *

Nick couldn't believe the sudden change in events. Just when everything was getting back to normal...

He was sitting in the waiting room with Warrick, Sara and Catherine while Grissom had yet another conversation with the doctor. Nick hadn't spoken a word since he got to the hospital. Even if he was able to formulate words, he had nothing to say. Nobody knew what to say, so they just didn't say anything at all.

Sara was pacing back and forth behind where Catherine, Warrick and Nick were seated. Nick was slouched down with the back of his head resting against the back of the plastic seat. Warrick had his right arm wrapped around Catherine's shoulders. Nick's eyes were closed and his arms were crossed over his chest. He opened them and sat up when he heard Brass walk into the waiting room.

Brass approached slowly and shook his head as he sat down next to Nick, who smiled sadly. "I'm sorry kid." Was all Brass could say, and it was enough.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Grissom came back in and sighed heavily as he stood in front of them.

"Nick..." He said softly. "You should come with me."

Nick nodded once before standing on unsteady legs and following Grissom back down the hall. He turned around and looked at Warrick, who tried to smile reassuringly but failed despite his best effort.

Grissom led Nick back to where he had been standing before in front of Greg's room. Greg's doctor greeted Nick with a handshake.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Ulrich." Nick just nodded. "I'm very sorry to tell you this...but it's not looking good for Greg here." Nick took a deep breath in prepartation. "Greg was knocked unconcious probably right away. There were severe injuries to his spine, neck and brain. There was massive internal bleeding. He stopped breathing a few times during surgery, adding to the brain damage, which caused him to slip into a coma."

"Is he ever gonna wake up?" Nick's voice was broken and quiet.

Ulrich shook his head slowly. "It's hard to say right now, but it's very unlikely. And if he does, he won't remember anything. He'd have the mental capacity of a 10 year old, if that."

Nick clenched his jaw as tears started rolling down his cheeks. "Can I see him?" He asked.

Dr. Ulrich nodded. "Of course you can. If you'll excuse me, I've got to see another patient. I'll be back with the test results that'll tell us more about Greg's condition." And with that, he was gone.

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat before turning to Grissom and smiling weakly.

"You can do this Nicky." He said with a slow nod.

Nick didn't respond. He took a deep breath and walked into Greg's room before he could talk himself out of it. He pulled a chair up to the left side of Greg's bed and took Greg's left hand in his right. Nick looked at all the cuts, bruises and scrapes on Greg's face and arms. His spiky blond hair was a neat mess as always, but his skin was so pale and cold Nick had to keep looking at the monitor next to him to make sure he was still alive.

With tears rolling down his cheeks, Nick was finally able to speak. "Hey Greggo." He said softly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you...I wish it was me. After all you've been through...I don't wanna believe this is happening." The tears started falling faster and Nick had to choke down his sobs so he could speak. "I love you so much...you're the most amazing person in the world. You don't deserve this...it should be me not you...I wish it was me and not you." Nick reached up slowly and ran his hand through Greg's soft blond hair and smiled slightly. "I tried my best to protect you, I really did. I'm sorry I didn't do a better job. I wish I was good enough to be the kind of person you deserve...the least I can say is I tried." Nick swallowed another lump in his throat and forced his voice to be steady. "I love you Greg." Nick stood and kissed Greg's lips softly and squeezed his hand gently before his legs carried him out of the hospital room and back into the waiting room chair next to Warrick.

Nick let his head fall into his hands. Warrick put his arm around his best friend's shoulders and did his best to be comforting. But all Nick wanted was for Greg to be okay.

**And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain**

Nick sat on the floor against the wall outside of Greg's room. He was hugging his knees to his chest and trying to keep from screaming as he sat next to Warrick and had a staring contest with the floor. A million thoughts were rushing through his mind, and he couldn't make sense of any of them.

He was listening to Grissom and Dr. Ulrich's conversation without even realizing it. He felt his stomach drop when he heard the final tests results on Greg and what the possibilities and everything were. All he could do was close his eyes and listen.

Nick opened his eyes when Grissom kneeled down in front of him and put one hand on his knee. "Nicky..." Grissom said softly. "It's not looking too good for Greg." Nick stared back in silence. "There's been too much brain damage and blood loss...he's probably never going to wake up." Nick nodded slightly in understanding. Grissom continued. "He's in a lot of pain...I have his power of attorney on whether or not to keep him on life support, but I'm letting you make the decision. It's up to you, Nick."

Nick closed his eyes and pressed his head against the wall behind him as hard as he could as tears started falling rapidly from his eyes. "Let him go."

"Are you sure?"

Nick shook his head. "Please don't make me say it again."

"Okay." Grissom said softly. He was gone for a few minutes while he spoke with the doctor, but then he was right back to where he had been before. "You can go in and be with him if you want."

Nick opened his eyes and shook his head. "I can't watch him die. It'll kill me."

Grissom nodded and turned to Warrick. "Take him home."

Nick shook his head again. "No...I want to be here...I just..."

"It's okay Nicky." Warrick said as he pulled Nick's head onto his shoulder and let him rest it there. "It's okay bro."

Grissom stood again and looked down at his CSIs. He could feel a migraine coming on as he watched Nick cry on Warrick's shoulder for Greg, who couldn't do anything for himself anymore.

Nick had no idea how much time had passed before he heard Ulrich say, "I'm terribly sorry...Greg has passed away."

Nick literally felt his heart shatter and didn't care that his entire body was shaking. He felt like he was going to pass out. He took a deep breath and stood with the help of Warrick and left the hospital as quickly as possible. Warrick got them back to Warrick's in record time. Nick didn't want to go back to his house just yet. Losing Greg was hard enough, he didn't want to feel like he was there when he wasn't. Nick managed to make his way into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch. He heard Warrick close the door and felt him sit down next to him. Nick felt the warm tears slide out from under his closed eyelids and down his cheek, over his jaw and down his neck.

He shook his head and opened his eyes and stared up at the white ceiling. "Why is this happening?"

Warrick sighed sadly. "I don't know man."

"It should have been me." Nick choked out.

Warrick put his hand on Nick's knee and squeezed firmly. "Don't say that Nicky."

"It's my fault."

"No it's not. It isn't anyone's fault. There's nothing you could have done."

Nick's breathing was starting to hitch. "I should have just taken the fucking paperwork to Sara's..."

Warrick put his other arm around Nick's shoulders. "Come on Nick. You know this wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

"But why did it have to happen to him?" Nick looked at Warrick through his tear filled eyes. All Warrick could do was shake his head slowly. Nick took a deep breath to try and calm himself down, but it didn't work as well as he hoped. "The least I could've done was stay with him while he..." Nick trailed off from that thought. "I left him alone. He hates hospitals...I should have stayed with him."

"You wouldn't have been able to handle that."

"So what? He shouldn't have had to be alone...he didn't deserve to die like that."

"No one does bro."

"I do."

"Don't ever say that ever again Nick. What do you think Greg would say if he heard you say that? Do you think he wants you to feel like this? There's nothing you could have done. You did all you could, and he knows that. He knows you love him, and he loves you just as much."

Nick closed his eyes and choked down another sob. "Why does this have to hurt so much?"

**How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me**

* * *

There are going to be a few more chapters in this story. Thanks for all the reviews/ 


	12. Catching My Breath

The song at the end of this chapter is by This Providence.

* * *

Nick sat outside on the steps of the church out of the way of the people walking inside. He knew most of them, but not all. He would glance up every now and then hoping to see Greg's parents, even though he knew he wasn't going to. He remembered the telephone conversation with Greg's mom all too well.

_"I'm so sorry Mrs. Sanders."_

_"Nick, how many times am I going to have to tell you to call me Andrea?"_

_Nick smiled slighty on the other end of the phone. "Sorry...anyway...the service is-" Nick was cut off._

_"We're not going to come."_

_"Why?" Nick asked before he thought._

_"I can't see my only son buried Nick...I just can't."_

Nick ran his hands back and forth through is short hair. He stared down at the stone step his feet were resting on so he wouldn't have to see all the sad smiles and sympathetic looks everyone was giving him. He might not have known who they were, but everyone there knew who he was if they knew Greg even a little bit.

Nick looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stood and hugged the attractive young brunette, who immediatly broke into tears.

"I'm so sorry Nick." Lauryn said softly.

Nick thought he was going to go insane if anyone else said 'I'm sorry.' He hated those words more than anything, but when Lauryn said them, his heart broke. She knew Greg just as well as Nick did, if not better. They had been best friends since junior high. "I know...me too."

She pulled away from Nick slightly and rested her hands on his shoulders. "How are you holding up?"

Nick shrugged slightly. "I'm not. How about you?"

She smiled sadly. "Pretty much the same. I just can't believe this..."

"Me either."

Nick hugged her again before she went into the church to take her seat. Nick collapsed back down on the steps and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how long it had been since the last person had walked in before Warrick came and sat down next to him. He didn't even have to open his eyes to know who it was.

"They're ready to start Nick." Warrick said queitly.

Nick nodded and opened his eyes. He looked at his best friend and tried to smile as best he could, but didn't succeed. "Okay." He said simply and stood, following Warrick into the dimly light church. He slowly walked to the front, keeping his eyes trained on Lauryn so he wouldn't have to see all the sad looks people were giving him.

He finally made it to the front pew and slid in next to Lauryn. They were Greg's only immediate family that had come. The rest of the CSI team, including Brass, Archie, Super Dave, Doc, Hodges and Lindsey sat behind them. Lauryn grabbed Nick's hand and squeezed it as hard as she could and didn't let her grip slip even slightly.

Nick took another deep breath as the service began, only half listening. He could only make out a few of the words the priest was saying and heard some of the muffled sobs from the people around him. He stared sadly at the picture of Greg on top of the coffin 5 feet in front of him.

He remembered everything about the day that picture had been taken. That was the day he had finally mustered up enough courage to tell Greg how he felt. It was at Lindsey's birthday party a little over 4 years ago.

_"Nick, enough is enough man. Just go tell him." Warrick said as he shook his head._

_"It's really not a good idea." Nick said and started to walk away, but Warrick grabbed his arm and yanked him back._

_"Yes, it is. Stop being stupid. He clearly wants you."_

_"Oh clearly." Nick said sarcastically. He sighed heavily. "Fine, I'll do it. Just have a lot of beers and cigarettes ready for when he punches me in the face."_

_Nick walked over to Greg, who was standing by himself next to the cake and looking like he was about to do something stupid._

_"Hey Nick." Greg greeted with a smile._

_"Hey G." Nick said. "Can I uh...talk to you about something?"_

_Greg shrugged. "Yeah, of course. I need a distraction anyway so I don't steal the cake and make a run for it." Nick laughed, but it was clear he was nervous about something. "So what's up?"_

_Nick took a deep breath. "Well...this is gonna sound stupid and is probably a very bad idea...and you can just forget that I ever said it if you want, but I think I need to tell you that..." Nick trailed off._

_"Tell me what?"_

_"That..." **This isn't that hard.** Nick thought to himself. **Too late to back out now dumbass.** "I...think I'm in love with you." The look on Greg's face spelled out pure confusion. "Actually..." Nick corrected, "I am in love with you. I know that for a fact." Nick laughed slightly. "That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever done..." Nick thought out loud. He looked down at the grass then back up at Greg, who was still trying to remember how to talk. "Sorry...I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it."_

_Nick turned and walked away, taking a long sip of the beer in his hand in the process._

_"Really?" He heard Greg call out a few seconds later._

_Nick turned and nodded, and was surprised to see Greg was smiling wider than he ever has before._

And that's when Catherine took the picture Warrick had told her to be waiting for. The picture that was now sitting on top of Greg's coffin in front of Nick.

Nick snapped back into reality when he heard the priest say, "And now we'll ask Lauryn O'Connel, Greg's best friend, to come up and say a few words."

Nick squeezed Lauryn's hand and smiled slightly before she got up and slowly made her way to the alter. She brushed away the few stray tears that were falling down her cheeks and took a deep breath as she ran her fingers through her hair to get it out of her face.

"First I just want to thank you all for coming, it really means a lot." She started. Her voice was steady, but wouldn't remain that way. "I've known Greg for 20 years, and he's never changed. He was always that energetic kid who never stopped talking unless he was eating. He was way to smart for his own good and constantly used that to his advantage." A little rupture of laughter echoed through the church. "I don't think there was a day in his life he went without making someone smile. He could make anyone smile without even trying. In high school, he wasn't the most popular kid, but everyone still got along with him. It's tough to hate Greg Sanders, believe me, I've tried. It doesn't matter what he does to get you mad, you'll always forgive him."

She paused for a second to wipe away more tears. "He was such a friendly person. He could make a friend faster than anyone I've ever met. He loved people and would talk to anyone who would listen, and even some who wouldn't." More laughter. "Greg was also very flirtatious. It was natural to him, I'm pretty sure he couldn't help it. As big a flirt as he was, he never really had too many relationships. He said it wasn't fair to everyone else if he just had one 'special person'." Nick smiled as he pictured Greg saying that. "But he did find the one person that changed his life. I'll never forget the way he talked about Nick. He made him sound like a god, and in Greg's opinion, he is. I can't thank you enough Nick for taking such good care of Greg. He always said he was the luckiest guy in the world to have you and you'd never know how much he loves you."

Nick bit the inside of his cheek and tried to swallow the throbbing lump in his throat. Lauyrn took another deep breath to steady her shaky voice. "Greg Sanders is the best friend, and boyfriend, anyone could ever have asked for, and I know how much everyone's gonna miss him." She tried to choke down another sob, but couldn't. "I'm sorry..." She smiled sadly and stepped down from the alter and went back to her seat next to Nick.

Nick wrapped his left arm around Lauryn's shoulders and rubbed her arm soothingly. "You did a good job." He whispered.

She didn't say anything, just rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. The service finally ended and everyone was invited to the cemetary for the burial. The 15 minute ride there felt like it took days before Nick was standing 2 feet in front of Greg's coffin, surrounded by his team.

Lauryn was on his left and Warrick was to his right with the rest of the team. Nick couldn't hear the final prayers or the people around him crying or feel the cool wind blowing against his skin. All he could see was the dark brown box in front of him and hear Greg's voice, but couldn't understand what he was saying.

Nick felt his heart drop when the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground under his feet. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about how he had a been in a similiar situation, except he he had been alive.

People slowly started to leave the cemetary. After a while, Lauyrn squeezed his arm and kissed his cheek before she left too. Before he knew it, Nick was standing with only Warrick next to him in front of Greg's gravestone. Nick smiled slightly as he remembered the few people who had questioned him on having it say just Greg instead of Gregory. Greg hated being called Gregory, so why should he be remembered like that forever?

It was simple, what Greg would have wanted:

_Greg Sanders _

_May 5, 1975 - November 23, 2006_

Nick stared at Greg's name carved in stone on front of him, and that's when it really set in. The realization of it all hit him hard. He knew all along Greg was gone, but now he really** knew**. His lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen and he realized he wasn't breathing. He couldn't force the air into his lungs. His throat went dry and his chest felt like it was about to explode.

And then everything was fine again. As quickly as it happened, it was gone. Nick sighed. He knew these little panic attacks were going to become more frequent, as well as the other ones he gets from nightmares.

Nick ripped his eyes away from the gravestone and looked at Warrick. He opened his mouth to say something, but Warrick cut him off.

"I know bro. I'll leave you alone for a bit. I'll be waiting in the car whenever you're ready man." He patted Nick on the back gently as he passed. Nick smiled his thanks and shook his head slightly. Sometimes it scared him how well they knew each other.

He turned back to Greg's grave and didn't try to fight back the tears that were running steadily down his cheeks. He choked down a sob and ran his shaky fingers through his hair once again.

"I'm so sorry Greggo..." He started. "I should have stayed with you. I...I just couldn't watch you die G, it would have killed me. I tried to pretend this wasn't happening, but I know I can't anymore. I have no idea how I'm gonna attempt to do this without you." Nick took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry I couldn't have done more for you. You changed my life, and I can't thank you enough for you just being you. I don't remember what it actually was, but the last thing I should have said to you was that I love you more than anything. I wasn't there for you when I should have been, but I will be now. I promise I'll come see you everyday no matter what." Nick reached forward and traced his fingers over the cold marble. "I love you Greg." He dropped his hand back to his side and slowly walked away.

The tears were gone by the time he got into the car, but Nick's eyes were still slightly red. He sighed heavily and let his head fall against the back of the leather seat and closed his eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Warrick started the car and asked, "Do you wanna go home or come back to my house?"

"I'll go to my house." Nick said softly.

"Okay. My phone's on so call me when you wanna come over." He glanced at Nick in time to see him open his eyes and smile.

Nick quickly changed out of his suit and into pajama pants and a t-shirt as soon as he got home. He didn't have the energy to shower, so he just crawled into his bed before he could decide not to and let Greg's scent engulf him. He reached out and grabbed Greg's pillow and hugged it close to his chest. He forced his eyeslids shut and tried to trick himself into a sleep that he knew would never come.

I'm finding it hard just to breathe  
I'm finding it hard just to breathe without your breath of life  
I'm finding it hard just to breathe in you  
I can't breath, can't you see that I'm suffocating  
Are you here with me now  
Well everyone keeps telling me how you're the air I breathe  
And everything I need is in you

* * *

I'm sorry I killed Greg, but I hope you all continue to read the story anyway. Thanks for the reviews. 


	13. Apologetical Apathy

Nick stared at the crime scene photo for what had to have been the thousandth time. He knew he was missing something, but what that something was was still up in the air. 

He sighed and sat down in the chair behind him and closed his eyes. He put his elbow on the armrest and rested his head in his hand. He tried to focus on the case, but that wasn't working too well. That was probably why he couldn't find something that was most likely the most obvious thing in the world. He knew it didn't help much that he had only taken 5 days off work. Or that their vic's name just so happened to be Greg.

Nick sighed heavily in defeat when Warrick walked into the layout room.

"Need some help?" He asked.

"Please." Nick said as he handed the pictures to Warrick.

"Hey man...you should go home and get some rest. You're too rundown to work."

Nick didn't have time to argue. Judy's voice came over the loudspeaker and asked for Nick Stokes to please come down to reception because he had a visitor. He frowned. The last person who had visited him at work had been Kelly Gordon. "Who the hell could that be?"

Warrick shrugged. "Go find out."

Nick didn't waste anymore time. He was glad for the distraction. He made his way to the lobby and walked up to the only person sitting in the chairs and smiled as best he could. "Hi, I'm Nick...can I help you?"

The young girl, who Nick guessed couldn't have been in her twenties yet, looked up and smiled sadly. She stood and shook his hand weakly, but didn't meet his eyes. "I'm...Renee LaRande."

"Nice to meet you Renee...what can I do for you?"

Nick was surprised when he saw a few tears fall from her dark green eyes. "I'm the one...who was in the accident...with Greg." She said softly.

"Oh." Nick said, for lack of a better word.

More tears started to fall from her eyes. "I'm so sorry...I really didn't mean to...I should have been paying more attention to what I was doing..."

Nick shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, calm down. It's okay." He led her to the break room and got her a cup of coffee and handed it to her. She smiled slightly and sat down next to Nick at the table. "Don't blame yourself for what happened, okay?"

"But it was my fault. I just went to change the station and I didn't even see him coming..."

Nick put his hand on her arm. "That's probably what he was doing too." He said with a small smile.

She laughed slightly, but then her smile was gone. "You can call my lawyer after you press charges, my dad said-"

Nick cut her off. "I'm not pressing charges."

"Why? It was my fault, not his."

Nick shrugged. "Even if it was, it doesn't matter. I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone. Besides, Greg wouldn't want that. He'd want you to stop feeling guilty for something you didn't do on purpose."

Renee shook her head slowly. "I don't understand how you're being so nice. I know that you two were...together...you lost someone you love...and you're not even mad at me."

Nick smiled. "Making you feel anymore guitly wouldn't be right. Accidents happen. I'm just glad you weren't hurt too."

Renee smiled slightly. "He must have been one great guy to have snagged someone like you...I'm so sorry."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, he was. But I'm the lucky one, not him."

* * *

Sorry this chapter was so short, but I promise that the next one will be much longer.


	14. Misery Loves Its Company

Nick stared out through the cool Vegas morning air and watched as the sun started to rise slowly over the horizon. He took the last drag of his cigarette and pulled another one from the pack in his hand and lit it after throwing the finished butt at his feet with the rest of them. He leaned his head back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. 

This was definitly not the first time Nick had snuck off to the roof of the crime lab to get away from everything. In the past month since Greg's death, he would guess he had come up here easily 20 times, at least. And every time he made sure he had at least a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of Jack Daniel's with him. He didn't think it was a bad thing he couldn't care less if he got fired for doing this.

He tried his best not to think of what Greg would think of him doing this. He knew he'd be pissed and yell at him for being stupid and not being able to move on, but Nick didn't want to. Even if he could, which he knew he can't, he doesn't want to ever get over Greg. No matter how much thinking about him constantly hurts, he doesn't want it to ever stop so he won't ever forget about him, even though he highly doubts that could ever happen.

Nick twisted out his latest cigarette and sighed heavily. He couldn't help but think of Greg's reaction when he found out that Nick smoked. He smiled slightly when he remembered how Greg had taken the cigarette from his lips and thrown it under the porch. He didn't try to stop the sudden memory from entering his mind and seemed as though he was watching it play on a screen in front of his eyes.

_Greg was worried about how things with him and Nick were going to turn out. Finally being with someone who you've had the biggest crush on for the last 6 years was the greatest thing in the world...which is why Greg was so worried. He'd never been in a serious relationship before. All of his random hook ups with girls - and guys - had ended without a goodbye or phone call after. He didn't want to mess anything up because he actually loved Nick, and if he ever hurt him he was sure it would break his own heart._

_Greg idly played with Nick's fingers as he layed on his boyfriend's chest and thought about how great the last 2 months of them being together had been...and how worried he was it wasn't gonna last._

_It wasn't difficult for Nick to realize that Greg wasn't as hyper and talkative as he always was. It was evident there was someting on his mind, so Nick decided to find out what was bothering him._

_"What's wrong?" Nick asked as he closed his fingers around Greg's._

_Greg shook his head and his soft hair tickled Nick's neck slightly. "Nothing."_

_"You're an awful liar Greggo." Nick said with a slight laugh._

_Greg smiled, but it faded when he sighed softly. "It's nothing...just..." He craned his neck so he was looking at Nick. "I'm worried you don't know what you're getting yourself into."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_Greg shrugged. "Well...I've never been in an actual relationship...except with Ryan but that was a long time ago..." He shook his head slightly. "Do you know what you're getting yourself into?"_

_Nick smiled. "Yeah, actually I do."_

_Greg smiled slightly again. "What if this doesn't work out? What if it's all a big mistake?"_

_"Then it's the best mistake I've ever made." Nick kissed Greg softly. "I've never been in a relationship either...let alone with a guy. Don't worry about it G."_

_"I'm not worried."_

_Nick laughed. "Yeaaaah, okay. You're acting like a little girl."_

_Greg quickly shifted so he was straddling Nick's hips and when he tried to move, he pushed his shoulders down and held him there. "Pretty sad that you can easily be beat up by a little girl, huh?"_

_Nick gave up struggling and trying to surpress the smile tugging at his lips. "You can't beat me up."_

_Greg shrugged. "No..." Greg slid his hands across Nick's shoulders, resting one in the crook of his neck and threading his fingers through Nick's hair with the other. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Nick's. Nick wrapped his arms around Greg's waist and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Greg finally pulled away and smiled. "I may not be able to beat you up, but I can do that."_

A few tears slid down Nick's cheeks as he remembered every little detail of that moment. He was glad he had made himself memorize how Greg felt, tasted, smelt, looked...everything about him, Nick knew by heart. He remembered everything so perfectly, he didn't want to open his eyes because he actually believed Greg might be with him right now, and openening his eyes would only destroy that hope.

Nick hates the feeling of hope. When he was in that plexiglass coffin, he had hope that he could make it out of there alive. He hoped that if he did, he would tell Greg how he felt and he hoped he would feel the same. That little feeling of hope that never left him is what kept him from pulling the trigger. Hoping that he'd be able to see Greg again saved him. And now, he wished he had just pulled the damn trigger and ended it before it had started.

Nick shook his head because he knows that's not true. The 4 years he was with Greg was the best of his life, and he would never want to erase them from his memory. Words couldn't describe how he felt when he was with Greg, and Nick's thankful he got the chance to feel that way. He just wishes it didn't have to end. Ever.

Nick opened his eyes and felt a little bit more of his heart break when he was met with the rising sun instead of Greg. He swallowd the lump in his throat that had formed because he could still see Greg, but couldn't feel him anymore.

As much as this was killing him, Nick knew he would do it all over again if he could. As much as losing Greg hurt, he would do it again if it meant he could see him one last time. If at the beginning of this Nick knew he was going to end up getting his heart shattered into a million pieces, he still would have done the same things he did without changing a thing.

Leaving his cigarette butts in a neat pile, Nick stood slowly and left the rooftop as quickly as he had come. He walked through the lab without meeting anyone elses eyes and popped his head into Grissom's office.

"Hey Griss...if you don't need me, I'm gonna leave now."

Grissom looked up from the file in front of him and nodded slowly. "Okay. I guess I'll see you in a few days...you have next shift off, right?"

"Yeah...I'll see you later."

Nick turned and left. He barely ackknowledged Warrick when he passed him the hallway just before he went through the front door to the parking lot. Warrick sighed when he smelt the familiar smell of smoke on Nick as he passed.

* * *

Nick had gotten used to his entire body shaking when he stood in front of Greg's gravestone. He barely noticed the burning of his lungs of the dizzy feeling he got as he read _Greg Sanders_ over and over again. His knees felt like they were going to give out at any minute, but never did.

Nick shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans and took a deep breath. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, but couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel the cool air around him or hear the birds chirping. He didn't even hear Warrick walk up behind him.

"Hey man, you okay?" Warrick asked.

Nick jumped and turned around. He relaxed when he saw Warrick and sighed as he shook his head. "No, I'm not."

Warrick walked up and stood to Nick's left. He looked down at the ground and was silent for a minute before quietly saying, "I'm sorry Nick."

Nick clenched his teeth and shook his head again. "Of course you are. Everyone's so fucking sorry."

"Nick, I-"

Nick cut him off. "Just stop. No matter how sorry you or anyone else is, nothing's bringing him back. Nothing you or anyone else says can change any of this."

"I know this is hard Nick." Warrick said softly.

Nick laughed sarcastically. "You have no idea. You have no idea how hard this is or how much this hurts. I constantly feel like I'm about to die, but I never do no matter how much I want to."

Warrick nodded slowly and decided it was probably a good idea to just leave Nick alone. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it and just walked away silently back to his car and drove off.

Nick fell back into the bench behind him that he had never noticed before. He stuck both of his hands into his hair and stared at the grass below him. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths so he wouldn't have another panic attack. He started shaking more violently, but didn't care about anything anymore.

"Ya know, I put that bench in for you."

Nick almost fell off the bench he jumped so high at the sudden voice. _Why the hell is everyone sneaking up on me?_ He turned to his left to see who the voice had come from and frowned when he saw an older guy in grass stained jeans and a blue jacket. He was at least 50 and half of his dark hair had turned grey. Nick finally realized he must be the groundskeeper of the cemetary and figured he should probably respond.

"Oh...thanks." Not his most articulate response, but it was something.

"I've seen you here everyday for the past month and figured you needed somewhere to sit every once in a while. No one comes here as often as you." Nick smiled weakly. "Sorry...I didn't mean to intrude on you."

Nick shook his head. "No, it's okay. Please, sit." He slid over so the older man could sit next to him.

"Thanks...my name's Max." He extended his hand and Nick shook it.

"Nick." He said with a small smile.

Max looked at the gravestone in front of them and sighed sadly. "Only 31...what a shame."

Nick didn't know why, but he felt inclined to ask, "Did you dig his grave?"

Max nodded. "Yeah, I did. It was so cold that day...especially for Vegas...the ground was practically frozen. It was like I wasn't supposed to be trying to dig at all."

"You must hate your job."

Max turned and looked at Nick. "Yeah...especially when I see people like you. Actually...I've never seen anyone like you. People will come for the first week or two after a funeral...but after that, not so often. I usually have to keep the graves neat...but never this one. I see you here everyday."

"I don't know why I keep coming back...I promised him I would though."

Max shrugged. "Because you love him." Nick frowned in confusion. "I don't mean to pry, but I can tell how people are related to the deceased. Mothers and fathers are easy...siblings too. Friends come a little more often, but I can tell you love him more than that."

Nick smiled slightly. "Well...you're right. I did."

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Nick stared back blankly. "My wife died...what is it now...20 years ago. I must have been your age."

Nick nodded slightly. "I'm sorry." He said before he could even think. The words he hated, coming from his own lips.

"It's a terrible thing."

"Does it ever get any easier?" Nick asked quietly.

Max sighed and shook his head slowly. "I wish I could like to you kid...but it gets harder every day. Especially since I lost my best friend because of it too. We got in a stupid fight...just like you just did." Nick tried to swallow the bad taste he got in his mouth when he thought about how he had yelled at Warrick when he was just trying to help. "It's easy to tell you guys are best friends...you need him more than you know right now Nick."

Nick nodded. "I know...I just miss him." He said as he looked back at Greg's name carved in stone on front of him.

"I wish I could have met him...he must have been something else."

Nick smiled. "Yeah...he really was. He'd be pissed at me right now if he saw how I was acting."

Max shook his head. "No...I bet he'd understand, but try to get you to knock it off nontheless." Nick looked back over at Max. "I know it hurts kid, but don't make it harder than it has to be. Don't make the same mistakes I did of blocking everyone out and trying to drink everything away because it doesn't work. It hurts like hell, but remembering the good times helps more than you can imagine."

Nick nodded. "You're right...thanks Max."

"Don't thank me, I'm not helping much. Go to your friend's and let him help you."

* * *

Warrick sighed when he heard the quiet knock at the door. He figured it was his next door neighbor's daughter selling cookies again. That's why he was so surprised when he saw Nick standing on his front porch.

"Hey." Nick said weakly when Warrick opened the door.

"Hey."

"Look Warrick...I'm really sorry I was a jerk. I shouldn't have flipped out on you...I know you're just trying to help."

Warrick shook his head and stepped to this side to let Nick in. "Don't worry about it man...it wasn't my place."

Nick walked past Warrick and into his house. "No...it was. You're my best friend and I need you in this. I can't do this alone."

Warrick closed the door and followed Nick over to the couch and sat down next to him. "You're never alone in anything Nicky. I'm always here for you bro, no matter what."

Nick smiled and leaned back against the couch. They fell into a comfortable silence. Nick closed his eyes and said softly, "Don't let me fall asleep...I don't want to dream about him...it hurts too much."


	15. Your Gaurdian Angel

Sorry this took so long to update. Basketball season started, and it's proven to be very difficult to find time to write. Hope you enjoy:

* * *

Nick rolled over onto his side and stretched his arm out across the bed. He frowned, his eyes still closed, when his hand was met with the cold sheets and not warm skin. He slowly opened his tired eyes and looked to his left where Greg was supposed to be.

But he wasn't there. _Of course he's not there_. Nick thought to himself. _He hasn't been there for 3 months._

Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He shifted so he was laying on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. 7:23. He had only been asleep for a little over an hour and he dreamed about Greg the entire time. Why did that always have to happen?

Whenever Nick could actually fall asleep, which wasn't very often, he would dream about Greg. And every single time he woke up, he would look for Greg, even though he knew he wouldn't be there. No matter how many times it happened or how much Nick tried not to believe Greg was actually there, it still hurt like hell when he realized he wasn't.

Nick was becoming more and more aware of the pain in his chest intensifying every day. The more he'd think about Greg, the harder it would get to breathe. And he thought about Greg constantly.

He tried not to think about anything too much anymore. He was starting to not care about anything. The only thing he had ever actually needed had been taken away from him. Nick remembered telling Greg he couldn't live without him. He was starting to realize just how true that statement was.

As he stared up at the ceiling, Nick coulnd't help but think of everything Greg had done to make sure he didn't get hurt. His heart wrenched at the fact that Greg had done so much for him, and Nick had let him down. Not only had he decided not to put Greg on life support, but he hadn't even stayed with him while he died. He left him alone. Greg didn't deserve that. And Nick didn't think he deserved to be alive anymore.

Before he realized what he was doing, Nick got up out of bed and grabbed his gun from his dresser before falling back onto the bed. _This is it. _Nick pressed the barell under his chin and closed his eyes. _I'm done with everything._

Nick tried to pull the trigger, but it wouldn't budge. _What the hell...?_ He opened his eyes to see that the safety was on. He would have immediatly taken if off, but he was thinking about why it was on in the first place.

Greg.

Greg hated guns. He refused to carry one and made Nick keep the safety on when it was in the house. If Nick forgot to put it on, Greg would be sure to. Nick must have kept doing it out of habit.

_How fucking ironic._ Nick closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Out of pure frustration and pain, he began slamming the handle of his gun into his forhead until he finally passed out.

* * *

_Nick slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He was standing in the middle of a huge field of just green grass and a bright blue sky above him. _

_He suddenly felt compelled to turn around, so he did. Upon doing so, he was met with Greg's smile as he wrapped his arms around the older man's neck. Nick smiled back and pulled Greg closer to him before wrappying his arms around Greg's waist._

_Nick just stared into Greg's eyes for a few minutes before he finally had to break the silence. "This is just a dream, isn't it?"_

_Greg was still smiling. "Yeah, it is."_

_Nick nodded slowly and forced his own smile to stay on his lips. "I really miss you."_

_"I miss you too Nicky."_

_Nick started to shake his head slowly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you...I should have stayed wi-"_

_He was cut off mid-sentence when Greg kissed him softly. Greg pulled away a little and laughed slightly._

_"Stop being so sorry. I'm not mad at you for what happened, it's not your fault. You did what you had to."_

_Nick shook his head. "I didn't want to let you go...losing you is killing me."_

_"But it hasn't yet." Greg kissed him gently again. "So don't let it."_

_"I just can't do this. It hurts too much." A few tears fell down Nick's cheeks as he stared into Greg's dark _brown_ eyes._

_"I know sweetie. But you gotta stay strong. I'm keeping my eye on you Nicholas. I'll keep you safe, I promise. But don't let me hold you back. Move on, I want you to be happy"_

_"I can't. I don't want to. I love you so God damn much Greg."_

_"Then do it for me." Greg said as he gently brushed away Nick's tears. "I love you too Nicky." _

_Nick pulled Greg against him and kissed him with everything he had left._

* * *

Nick slowly opened his eyes to a terrible headache. He reached up and felt the warm blood still flowing from the cut on his forehead. He felt a little light headed from the blood loss. He blinked a few times to clear his vision before sitting up. 

He smiled sadly as he remembered his latest dream. He craned his neck to the right and looked at the picture of him and Greg at some team party taken a few months ago. They were sitting on the swings at Catherine's house and Greg was sticking his tongue out at Nick for some comment he must have made.

Nick smiled. That was his favorite picture. It showed perfectly how Greg may be a genius, but he acted like a kid. Which was never a bad thing. He was always so much fun to hang out with and the most interesting person Nick had ever met.

That's why losing him had hurt so much.

When he was with Greg, Nick felt like nothing else mattered. Greg had showed him that it didn't matter what other people thought and that you only live once, so why not have as much fun as you can?

And Greg had always lived life to the fullest. After the lab explosion, he mellowed out a little, but not too much or for too long. No matter what happened, he was always Greg.

Nick sighed heavily and ran his hand back and forth through his hair. He forced himself out of bed and into the shower. He changed quickly and grabbed his keys before he headed to the cemetary.

* * *

There's only one more chapter after this. Thanks for sticking with this story and for all the reviews. 


	16. Tongue Tied

Nick slowly opened his eyes, only to close them again when his vision was so blurry it wasn't worth the effort. He suddenly became aware of the throbbing pain in his forehead and instinctively reached up to where his head was hurting. Before he came close to his hand's destination, another hand slowly pulled his back down to rest on his chest. Opening his eyes again, Nick was able to focus on Warrick standing over him with a worried expression on his face.

"Don't touch it bro, it just finally stopped bleeding. How ya feelin?" He asked softly.

Nick shrugged slightly. "Other than my head, I'm fine. What happened?"

"You fell asleep on the couch and fell off and hit your head on the coffee table pretty bad." Nick only half heard what Warrick said. He was really dizzy and light headed.

"Oh man...thank God you're awake." Came another voice from the kitchen that was oddly familiar to Nick, but somehow out of place. But as soon as he heard the footsteps coming into the living room, his heart beat increased tenfold. When he saw the spiky hair, his heart stopped.

Greg entered the living room with the same worried expression on his face as Warrick. "Are you okay?" He asked frantically.

Nick opened and closed his mouth several times in an attempt to speak, but came up short of words. After many failed attempts, all he could come up with was a muffled, "How?"

Greg's expression changed from worried to confused. "How what?"

Nick began tripping over his words and stuttering to the point where he was uncomprehendable. He looked at Warrick to confirm his surprise at seeing Greg, but was met only with another confused look. Nick looked back at Greg and couldn't stop himself from saying "But you're supposed to be dead."

Greg came over to the couch and sat down next to Nick's side and rested his hand on his boyfriend's. "Sweetie...what the hell are you talking about?" He asked with a small smile.

Nick shook his head slowly and rapidly tried to explain his own confusion. "You went to Sara's and g-got in a car accident then fell into a c-coma and I told the doctor to let you go cuz I didn't think you w-wanted to be like that and then there was the f-funeral and Max and-"

Greg cut Nick off. "Woah woah woah. Slow down Nicky." He threaded his fingers with Nick's and gently ran his hand back and forth through Nick's dark hair to calm the older man down. "Now, slowly, repeat what you just said."

Nick took a deep breath, but still spoke at a higher rate than he normally did. "You got in an accident and died...and I swear it happened because I remember being so sad and going to your funeral and you were gone for like three months and it hurt so bad...Warrick don't you remember?"

"I remember Greg calling me and freaking out cuz he came home and found you with a huge gash in your head. You were knocked out for a pretty long time Nick, you just had a bad dream."

"It felt so real." Nick said quietly. "I honestly thought I really lost you...it was the worst feeling in the world."

Greg gently squeezed Nick's hand. "But you didn't. I'm still here, it was only a bad dream. Everything's okay, I promise." Nick closed his eyes as Greg continued to run his hand through Nick's soft hair. Greg looked at Warrick, silently telling him how worried he was about Nick.

Reading the younger CSIs mind, Warrick shook his head and stood up. "Don't worry about it man, he's gonna be fine. Don't let him sleep too much and call me if you need anything. I gotta get back to the lab before Cath kills Grissom. Feel better bro." He left, closing the door silently behind him.

Nick weakly raised his left arm, but Warrick had already left. He moved his hand so it was no longer hanging off the couch, but instead let it rest on Greg's thigh. A few tears slowly slid out from his closed eyelids and slipped down Nick's cheeks. Greg gently wiped them away, causing Nick to open his eyes and meet Greg's dark brown ones.

"I honestly thought you were gone. It was...I can't even describe it. I thought it was real. Nothing has ever hurt so much."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing I'm okay huh?" Greg said with a smile.

Nick couldn't hold back his own smile at seeing Greg's. "Oh yeah." He pulled Greg down so he could kiss him softly. "A very good thing."

Greg smiled as Nick kissed him again and pulled away slowly. "You hungry?" He asked.

Nick shook his head. "No. I don't wanna eat or sleep or do anything but just be with you. I never wanna lose you Greg." More tears started falling from Nick's eyes as he sat up and tightly wrapped his arms around Greg's waist and pulled him as close to himself as he could.

Greg draped his arms around Nick's neck and kissed the side of his head softly. "Then you won't. I'm not going anywhere, so you're stuck with me for a very long time Stokes."

Nick laughed lightly. "Good."

Greg slowly stood up, bringing Nick with him. "Let's go to bed...even though I can't allow you to sleep."

Nick shrugged. "That's fine with me. I've done enough sleeping as it is."

Greg smiled and took Nick's hand, leading him to the bedroom. They both stripped down to just their boxers and slid into the warm bed. Nick wrapped his arms around Greg and let his boyfriend rest his head on his chest. He held him tightly and kissed the top of Greg's hair and tried not to think of life without him.

"Swear you'll never leave me." Nick said into Greg's hair.

"Why would I d-"

"Just...just promise me."

Greg nodded slowly. "I promise."

"I love you so much Greg."

Greg nuzzled into the crook of Nick's neck. "I love you too Nicky."

* * *

Greg had dozed off soon after making his promise to Nick. Nick, however, hadn't even thought to sleep. He was too afraid that if he closed his eyes, he would open them and this would be another dream. If he woke up and Greg was gone, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Instead of sleeping, Nick spent his time tracing the faint scars from the lab explosion on Greg's back. By now, he knew everything about each one by heart. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing though. It reminded him of the hell his boyfriend had been through. But on the other hand, it reminded him of how strong Greg was and that he could make it through anything.

Greg began to stir, causing Nick's hand to slow its pace on Greg's back. His muscles tensed and he jumped a little, like when you dream you're falling off a cliff. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around before relaxing and easing back into Nick's shoulder. He craned his neck so he could look at Nick and smiled weakly.

"Bad dream?" Nick asked.

Greg nodded slowly. "Yeah...the lab exploded again." He said quietly.

Nick felt Greg's hands start to shake against his side, so he carefully took both of Greg's hands in his own and rubbed the tops of them with his thumbs. He kissed the top of Greg's head as he nuzzled back against his neck.

"It's okay Greggo...you're safe now. I promise."

Greg's hands started shaking harder, but eased up when Nick squeezed them gently. "Thank you." Greg said softly.

"For what?"

Greg sighed and closed his eyes. "For being you."

Nick smiled and allowed his own eyes to close. Before long, they were both asleep, safe and sound in each other's arms.

* * *

This is how I wanted this story to end all along. Sorry if it's confusing or makes any of you mad for thinking I really killed Greg, but I wanted to show how much Nick loves him, so I did it this way. Thank you to everyone who stuck with it and reviewed. It meant a lot. Hope you liked it.


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